Thinking and Reading... What a Dangerous Combination

So I have started reading a new book this week and it is causing me to really dig deep in what I actually believe. See, this summer has been an interesting one because nothing too big has happened to me I have just been trying to keep in touch with friends, visiting friends and family and mostly hanging out around the house. Nothing too big has affected my life. It has been very low key, which is never a bad thing.
The only thing that has been lacking is my relationship with Christ. It's not like I have fallen away, it's just I have not been challenged at all unlike school. It's very much like I have just been going through the motions every day and nothing is really moving me.
Well this all change when I read a book entitled "Imaginary Jesus." This book is a not-quite so true tale and it was a good read that brought out some good points. I enjoyed and told many people about it, but this was not the book that got me thinking. I then started reading a book entitled "Sex God" by Rob Bell.
I had honestly never read anything by Rob Bell, but have been told many good things about him. I had watched several of his Nooma videos and have even lead a group about one of them, so I decided to give it a shot.
I really do recommend reading "Sex God" because the points are really good. It puts a Christian perspective on Sex, which God did create which means sex is good and I honestly think that the church sometimes forgets this.
I have just recently finished this book and have started another book by Rob Bell. Now this is the book that has revived my walk of faith. "Velvet Elvis" has really made me question so much about my faith and everything with the Bible and I just am on chapter 3!
This book really has surprised me with how he presents many topics of the Bible and how he even says that it is okay to question. I have always questioned certain things about faith, but I think that we forget that many of the people(who were just like us; imperfect, sinful and loved by God) God used question if God knew what He was doing. They doubted his plan and questioned!! To me this is important because I personally feel that if you question, then people look down on you.
Instead, if I question I have the opportunity to learn more, which at the end of the day is the best. I do not need to have all the answers nor will anyone else have all the answers because there is only one God. Our minds cannot conceive any of God's plans because they are too great.
Reading and Thinking have helped me find my path again and it feels wonderful.

Not so perfect Disney love

So once again I am watching a Disney movie, specifically "The Little Mermaid." I'm watching it because I honestly have nothing else to do, plus Ursula is one of my favorite Disney villains.
But watching this movie got me thinking. Most Classic animated Disney movies that include a princess do not have both parents. Think about, Cinderella(step-mom), Ariel(Dad), Belle(Dad), Sleeping Beauty(got sent away and raised by someone else), Snow White(Step-mom),Jasmine(Dad) and if you also include Pocahontas(Dad). Even in the newest Disney movie, "The Princess and the Frog," her father is no longer living.
Most Disney movies have single parents and I honestly find that interesting. The only family that could be included as a family is in "Mulan," but even Mulan ran away from home.
This really does surprise me because we claim that all the Disney are great with the value, but the families are never really whole and the love that they gain might not always be the truest.
Think about it, Ariel was SIXTEEN when she met Eric and married him. If I'm not mistaken, Sleeping Beauty was the same age and married him cause of the true love first kiss thing. Snow White had the same thing that Sleeping Beauty had.
Jasmine and Belle are the only ones who fell for their princes by getting to know them. Belle fell in love with a beast and hesitated when he turned back to normal.
I love Disney Movies, don't get me wrong, but Disney has really skewed our vision of what a family and true love is. I still will watch them and one day show them to my children, but it's just fascinating that our perfect view is not so perfect.
This really reminds me of a scene from one of my favorite movies. These two 12yr old girls discuss how life is not fair, but it's not even fair in the television shows that they love. No family is perfect and apparently this is true in the wonderful world of Disney.

Smashing Change

I haven't recently written in this wonderful blogging world, since, well, I have been very busy with life and all that my life entails.
Overall, my summer has been a typical summer with trying to find a job, swimming, tanning and the late night movie watching. I have enjoyed all of these activities because they are all relaxing even if they do take a lot of energy.
This might get you thinking why the title is "Smashing Change." It seems as if I have had no real change other than getting ready to adapt to a new school, but I have had an experience which has made me enjoy life a lot more, but has also put a tremendous fear in my life.
I, like many other young drivers turned statistics, got in a car crash. It was all my fault, and I admitted it even when it first happened. The car was completely totaled and well, it was not fun to tell my parents that. But I was able to walk out of it alright with nothing wrong.
Now the lesson I learned was to be a safer driver, but the bigger lesson was that I am not invincible.
There are so many times in my life that I feel as if I can overcome any obstacle or go through anything. Now, there are certain things I can overcome, but it was lucky that I came out of a car wreck with no injuries. I cannot even show how thankful I am to God that this was the case, but I also feel as if it was a lesson from Him that I cannot do things on my own.
I cannot rely on my own doings to make my life the way I want it. I also cannot determine my fate and be thoughtless with my actions. There are times that I could be in danger, but with my lack of self awareness could cause me to get into even more trouble.
Now the smashing change is that the fear of letting go and giving it to God is always difficult, but after an event like that, one can actually understand the whole point of only God is in control.
While spinning around in a vehicle after getting hit, all a person can do is pray and He is the only one who can help.
It's a little intimidating, a little bash at the Christian-ego, and a reassurance that He is always there.
I honestly have no idea if this post makes any sense, but I hope that one day this smashing change will come to you just not like it came to me.

Feeling Inspired

So I wrote this poem a few weeks ago and thought I should post it somewhere and this is the perfect place. It is entitled "Smashing the Mirror." Hope you enjoy.

My biggest fear
My worst nightmare
Is my mirror

Just like the one is Snow White
It tells me a truth
Which in all sense
Are lies

I catch myself gazing
And staring at me
Wondering
If this reflection is me

I laughed when I heard
You reflection is your soul
How can this be
Cause that ain’t me

If it were
I’d be broken and scared
And grasping for air
But in all reality
That is me

But that’s only skin deep
And all a mirror can show
But if you look in my eyes
Then you’ll really know

My soul is screaming and shouting
For something to do
It’s on fire
Let’s bring change to you

My soul is standing on a mountaintop
Arms held wide
Taking that jump
And you’ll soon know why

I’m ready for change
And my soul knows that
It’s just
My mind doesn’t feel that

My mind controls the eyes
Which help me see the lies
But if you know the soul
You know where to go

So that mirror
That held me back
Is broken
Cause my soul saw past that

The Silent Call

A friend of mine asked me to speak to her about our weekly prayer meetings. She had heard that I had some opinions and she wanted to talk them over. I personally was freak out cause even though I scream for change inside, I really fear being the leader of it.
I talked to my friend for an hour last night and it was awesome! So we decided to go to some of the leaders of the entire organization(remember, we just started on the prayer meeting). That took another hour or so and that was amazing too.
Now resulting from that, I was asked to lead the prayer meeting this week, which happens to be tonight(I was asked around 12:30am whether I would lead it). I am extremely nervous about all of this and I don't really understand how some of the words came out of my mouth last night(That was really a God thing).
So my entire notion of how things need to change is finally here and I'm really nervous about being the one that needs to start the spark. But at the same time, I feel as if this is the reason why I am here at this college. This has been my purpose this entire time and I'm sick of feeling self-pity and anger and all these things that shouldn't matter in life. I'm really letting go. God has a plan for me and I'm giving it completely to Him. I am at the point where I do not care if I get scrutinized by people, because I'm listening to God. Let's stop being lukewarm Christians and let's get fired up for Christ!
Check this out:
http://vimeo.com/6399822

Detached?

So, I got accepted into my new university and have been very excited about it all. Now, I have been worried about the whole detaching thing(Because it seems to be a thing I do when I leave) and I haven't been doing that.
The only bad thing is, I feel as if others are detaching from me and thus leaving me alone. This could possibly just be in my head or it could be a reality. I cannot decide. It's just difficult if you don't know if someone is angry at you, detaching from you or is just having one of those days.
It's this type of drama that I honestly want to avoid for my last quarter and part of the reason on why I am heading home most weekends. I just know that I can only handle so much of this type of drama and I don't want this to be my last memory. I just hope all gets changed or at least becomes bearable.

Movie Nights

So the last couple of days, my roommate has been putting in different movies at night. Now I am in no way complaining since I love all the movies that have been played. They have been mostly Disney(which I need to proclaim is pretty awesome!).
Now with this leads me to the last one we have watched which literally finished 20min ago. It was Peter Pan and I must admit that I have always loved the idea of Peter Pan. A boy who doesn't grow up and is able to play all day long and have adventures! What could be better than that!?!
But of course like what Wendy says near the end of every version is that they must return to grow up. Some things you cannot understand until you grow up and that was her point. She knew they needed to grow up because there is more to life.
For the longest time I wished I could go to Neverland(what kid didn't want to go there), but now as I have grown up a bit and am making life decisions, I still wish I could go. I guess at a certain point in time everyone reaches a point when they just want to go back in time to be a kid again. Life seemed so much easier back then. But like what Wendy says, we have to grow up, but I don't think we need to completely grow up. I think we need to grow up a lot, but keep the imagination alive. We need to keep that childlike excitement or we become boring.
Well, that's it. Now it's time for me to travel to the second star to the right.