So I wrote this poem a few weeks ago and thought I should post it somewhere and this is the perfect place. It is entitled "Smashing the Mirror." Hope you enjoy.
My biggest fear
My worst nightmare
Is my mirror
Just like the one is Snow White
It tells me a truth
Which in all sense
Are lies
I catch myself gazing
And staring at me
Wondering
If this reflection is me
I laughed when I heard
You reflection is your soul
How can this be
Cause that ain’t me
If it were
I’d be broken and scared
And grasping for air
But in all reality
That is me
But that’s only skin deep
And all a mirror can show
But if you look in my eyes
Then you’ll really know
My soul is screaming and shouting
For something to do
It’s on fire
Let’s bring change to you
My soul is standing on a mountaintop
Arms held wide
Taking that jump
And you’ll soon know why
I’m ready for change
And my soul knows that
It’s just
My mind doesn’t feel that
My mind controls the eyes
Which help me see the lies
But if you know the soul
You know where to go
So that mirror
That held me back
Is broken
Cause my soul saw past that
17 May 2010
27 April 2010
The Silent Call
A friend of mine asked me to speak to her about our weekly prayer meetings. She had heard that I had some opinions and she wanted to talk them over. I personally was freak out cause even though I scream for change inside, I really fear being the leader of it.
I talked to my friend for an hour last night and it was awesome! So we decided to go to some of the leaders of the entire organization(remember, we just started on the prayer meeting). That took another hour or so and that was amazing too.
Now resulting from that, I was asked to lead the prayer meeting this week, which happens to be tonight(I was asked around 12:30am whether I would lead it). I am extremely nervous about all of this and I don't really understand how some of the words came out of my mouth last night(That was really a God thing).
So my entire notion of how things need to change is finally here and I'm really nervous about being the one that needs to start the spark. But at the same time, I feel as if this is the reason why I am here at this college. This has been my purpose this entire time and I'm sick of feeling self-pity and anger and all these things that shouldn't matter in life. I'm really letting go. God has a plan for me and I'm giving it completely to Him. I am at the point where I do not care if I get scrutinized by people, because I'm listening to God. Let's stop being lukewarm Christians and let's get fired up for Christ!
Check this out:
http://vimeo.com/6399822
I talked to my friend for an hour last night and it was awesome! So we decided to go to some of the leaders of the entire organization(remember, we just started on the prayer meeting). That took another hour or so and that was amazing too.
Now resulting from that, I was asked to lead the prayer meeting this week, which happens to be tonight(I was asked around 12:30am whether I would lead it). I am extremely nervous about all of this and I don't really understand how some of the words came out of my mouth last night(That was really a God thing).
So my entire notion of how things need to change is finally here and I'm really nervous about being the one that needs to start the spark. But at the same time, I feel as if this is the reason why I am here at this college. This has been my purpose this entire time and I'm sick of feeling self-pity and anger and all these things that shouldn't matter in life. I'm really letting go. God has a plan for me and I'm giving it completely to Him. I am at the point where I do not care if I get scrutinized by people, because I'm listening to God. Let's stop being lukewarm Christians and let's get fired up for Christ!
Check this out:
http://vimeo.com/6399822
14 April 2010
Detached?
So, I got accepted into my new university and have been very excited about it all. Now, I have been worried about the whole detaching thing(Because it seems to be a thing I do when I leave) and I haven't been doing that.
The only bad thing is, I feel as if others are detaching from me and thus leaving me alone. This could possibly just be in my head or it could be a reality. I cannot decide. It's just difficult if you don't know if someone is angry at you, detaching from you or is just having one of those days.
It's this type of drama that I honestly want to avoid for my last quarter and part of the reason on why I am heading home most weekends. I just know that I can only handle so much of this type of drama and I don't want this to be my last memory. I just hope all gets changed or at least becomes bearable.
The only bad thing is, I feel as if others are detaching from me and thus leaving me alone. This could possibly just be in my head or it could be a reality. I cannot decide. It's just difficult if you don't know if someone is angry at you, detaching from you or is just having one of those days.
It's this type of drama that I honestly want to avoid for my last quarter and part of the reason on why I am heading home most weekends. I just know that I can only handle so much of this type of drama and I don't want this to be my last memory. I just hope all gets changed or at least becomes bearable.
07 April 2010
Movie Nights
So the last couple of days, my roommate has been putting in different movies at night. Now I am in no way complaining since I love all the movies that have been played. They have been mostly Disney(which I need to proclaim is pretty awesome!).
Now with this leads me to the last one we have watched which literally finished 20min ago. It was Peter Pan and I must admit that I have always loved the idea of Peter Pan. A boy who doesn't grow up and is able to play all day long and have adventures! What could be better than that!?!
But of course like what Wendy says near the end of every version is that they must return to grow up. Some things you cannot understand until you grow up and that was her point. She knew they needed to grow up because there is more to life.
For the longest time I wished I could go to Neverland(what kid didn't want to go there), but now as I have grown up a bit and am making life decisions, I still wish I could go. I guess at a certain point in time everyone reaches a point when they just want to go back in time to be a kid again. Life seemed so much easier back then. But like what Wendy says, we have to grow up, but I don't think we need to completely grow up. I think we need to grow up a lot, but keep the imagination alive. We need to keep that childlike excitement or we become boring.
Well, that's it. Now it's time for me to travel to the second star to the right.
Now with this leads me to the last one we have watched which literally finished 20min ago. It was Peter Pan and I must admit that I have always loved the idea of Peter Pan. A boy who doesn't grow up and is able to play all day long and have adventures! What could be better than that!?!
But of course like what Wendy says near the end of every version is that they must return to grow up. Some things you cannot understand until you grow up and that was her point. She knew they needed to grow up because there is more to life.
For the longest time I wished I could go to Neverland(what kid didn't want to go there), but now as I have grown up a bit and am making life decisions, I still wish I could go. I guess at a certain point in time everyone reaches a point when they just want to go back in time to be a kid again. Life seemed so much easier back then. But like what Wendy says, we have to grow up, but I don't think we need to completely grow up. I think we need to grow up a lot, but keep the imagination alive. We need to keep that childlike excitement or we become boring.
Well, that's it. Now it's time for me to travel to the second star to the right.
28 March 2010
Surreal
So this is an odd moment for me and it's because I am at a point of realization. This is my last quarter at the college I am attending. I literally have 10 weeks and then I am done.
Now I am excited because I get to attended a different University and the program there is spectacular. It's just that I am feeling a little torn at the moment. Not that I am reconsidering the transfer(it would be a huge mistake if I stayed), but about friendships. I have made some of the greatest friends in the world and in this 10 week period will be my time to say goodbye. That is the surreal thing.
I can't believe this time has finally come. I know I won't be saying goodbye forever, but saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to ever do.
I believe I am making the best decision in the world about transferring because every time I talk about it my heart starts to race and I become unbelievably happy. That's why it's really hard as well. That's why I am feeling torn at the moment. It will get better as the quarter goes on because of the friendships becoming better, the feeling of completion will be drawing near and then the completion of the quarter which will come quicker than I even know. This is a surreal moment for me because what to come is completely on my mind.
Now I am excited because I get to attended a different University and the program there is spectacular. It's just that I am feeling a little torn at the moment. Not that I am reconsidering the transfer(it would be a huge mistake if I stayed), but about friendships. I have made some of the greatest friends in the world and in this 10 week period will be my time to say goodbye. That is the surreal thing.
I can't believe this time has finally come. I know I won't be saying goodbye forever, but saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to ever do.
I believe I am making the best decision in the world about transferring because every time I talk about it my heart starts to race and I become unbelievably happy. That's why it's really hard as well. That's why I am feeling torn at the moment. It will get better as the quarter goes on because of the friendships becoming better, the feeling of completion will be drawing near and then the completion of the quarter which will come quicker than I even know. This is a surreal moment for me because what to come is completely on my mind.
09 March 2010
Running with Christ
Today at nine o'clock in the morning, I went running with a friend of mine. We are both training to run a half-marathon in May and we were both excited about the beautiful weather that we have been having so we decided to run outside.
Even at 9am, the weather was great! The sun was shinning and it seemed like a beautiful spring day. It wasn't until the 3rd mile when I made the comment "Pain is weakness leaving the body."
Well, my friend disagreed with my comment(I hope she would. She's planning on being a doctor). But I came back and said, but it really is true.
Here's my reasoning:
Personally, when I run I am able to get into a deeper spiritual connection with Christ then I am able to do in any other place. My mind is focused and I am able to really appreciate all that surrounds me. I become more thankful for some of the simple pleasures that God gives us and this distracts me if I feel any pain. When I do feel any pain or anger, I just run to relieve myself from anything. I try to push it out of my body. My pain that I feel is my weakness(anger, turmoil, sin) that is released out of my soul to Christ who is able to take it from me.
While running, I am able to feel a peace. When running, I feel as if my soul becomes free and is released from any pain.
While feeling free from pain, I know it's just like the same feeling as I am worshiping in church. This feeling is great and brings one closer to Christ. Getting near the end of the course, you sometimes feel as if you can't finish, but just like one's Christian walk, Christ helps you through.
That's what I said to my friend as we finished our run and marveling at the beauty of the day.
Even at 9am, the weather was great! The sun was shinning and it seemed like a beautiful spring day. It wasn't until the 3rd mile when I made the comment "Pain is weakness leaving the body."
Well, my friend disagreed with my comment(I hope she would. She's planning on being a doctor). But I came back and said, but it really is true.
Here's my reasoning:
Personally, when I run I am able to get into a deeper spiritual connection with Christ then I am able to do in any other place. My mind is focused and I am able to really appreciate all that surrounds me. I become more thankful for some of the simple pleasures that God gives us and this distracts me if I feel any pain. When I do feel any pain or anger, I just run to relieve myself from anything. I try to push it out of my body. My pain that I feel is my weakness(anger, turmoil, sin) that is released out of my soul to Christ who is able to take it from me.
While running, I am able to feel a peace. When running, I feel as if my soul becomes free and is released from any pain.
While feeling free from pain, I know it's just like the same feeling as I am worshiping in church. This feeling is great and brings one closer to Christ. Getting near the end of the course, you sometimes feel as if you can't finish, but just like one's Christian walk, Christ helps you through.
That's what I said to my friend as we finished our run and marveling at the beauty of the day.
05 March 2010
Random Sunny Days
So, apparently this first week of March has been a good one. It has been very spiritual, which I don't mind, and eye opening. I guess it all started on Sunday at church. The pastor was speaking about the blind man in John chapter 9 and brought up a very good point about it.
The blind man wasn't blind with his vision, but he was blind to the truth. When Jesus gave him his sight, well, he was able to see both literally and spiritually. He was no longer incomplete. but growing towards completion. I personally thought that this was awesome and realized that I have spots in my life where I am blind.
Now, here comes the part that I really like. The pastor said that we need to get out pf the darkness (our blindness) and get into the light. Once we get into the light, then our lives will feel more complete. They will not be perfect, but God will be there to help you since you are open for His help. All we need to do is step into the light.
Living in Ohio, you don't really get the chance to step in the literal sense of a light. Apparently this state does not like to have sunshine sometimes. Well, yesterday the sun was out and I swear the day was better because of it. A lot more people were outside trying to get into the light and to change from the dark winter to a brighter spring.
This leads me back to the blind man. If people love going out and stepping into the sun light, why is it so hard to actually follow the son? The sun gives us a temporary joy until one of the clouds blocks its rays for a little bit of time. But the Son never has anything blocking it from coming to you, except yourself. The sun gives warmth and some joy. The Son eternally gives you warmth, love, joy and protection.
I feel as if we need to step into the light more often so our lives can be changed. The beauty of the sun will one day pass, but the Son is eternal and will give us so much light that even the darkest place will not be dark, because He is there.
The blind man wasn't blind with his vision, but he was blind to the truth. When Jesus gave him his sight, well, he was able to see both literally and spiritually. He was no longer incomplete. but growing towards completion. I personally thought that this was awesome and realized that I have spots in my life where I am blind.
Now, here comes the part that I really like. The pastor said that we need to get out pf the darkness (our blindness) and get into the light. Once we get into the light, then our lives will feel more complete. They will not be perfect, but God will be there to help you since you are open for His help. All we need to do is step into the light.
Living in Ohio, you don't really get the chance to step in the literal sense of a light. Apparently this state does not like to have sunshine sometimes. Well, yesterday the sun was out and I swear the day was better because of it. A lot more people were outside trying to get into the light and to change from the dark winter to a brighter spring.
This leads me back to the blind man. If people love going out and stepping into the sun light, why is it so hard to actually follow the son? The sun gives us a temporary joy until one of the clouds blocks its rays for a little bit of time. But the Son never has anything blocking it from coming to you, except yourself. The sun gives warmth and some joy. The Son eternally gives you warmth, love, joy and protection.
I feel as if we need to step into the light more often so our lives can be changed. The beauty of the sun will one day pass, but the Son is eternal and will give us so much light that even the darkest place will not be dark, because He is there.
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