18 October 2009

Conversation Listener

So, I'm at a point in my life where I can say whether I am a good listener or not. For some reason people are drawn to me to tell me their story. It's not like I think this is a bad thing, but it just happens. The only problem is, I like to keep certain things to myself. This creates a horrible cycle of me filled with a lot of emotion and not being able to express myself. I feel like I want to explode from time to time, because there is too much on my mind. And it's not always frivolous things, but important things. Like what my friends have told me, secrets, pain that I have felt, and the added stress from classes. Now, I can handle these things to a certain extent, but at times I would like to be the one talking in the conversation and asking for help and not the one listening and helping. I want to break this need in my heart to listen to people and help. I don't mind helping, but I need people who can understand me and unfortunately I don't have that. Not that I don't have good friends, I have some of the best friends in the world, it's just that I need the spiritual support. I'm gaining it, I just wish I had a little more of it. I don't just want to be the listener, I want to be the one talking so these feelings will get out. The only problem is, who do I share these emotions with? I don't know, but I need to stop being the conversation listener and need to actually start sharing. That's a hard step to do. Let's see if I succeed.

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