Thought Provoking

So I shall just come out with it and say the question for this post since I am not in the particular mood to make a setting for the question. Have you ever had a person question everything that you stood for and believe in and you can tell that they are really hurting inside and know that you can do nothing to help them?
No surprise, if you have read this before, I have experienced this type of person. It is rather frustrating at times when dealing with this type of a person especially if you are related to them. Showing love and understanding is even harder.
I love my family, but a certain sibling is causing a lot of grief, since they like to always cause debates. They were just about to leave when this heated debate came up. I was fearful about it since I knew it would be another half an hour before they would leave. So by the time they had actually left, I was angry as can be and had no outlet. I just walked around the backyard for a little bit to let some steam out and then came back in and talked to my parents. My parents brought up many points about why my sibling was probably acting in this way.
So now the lesson of this random story is now coming. My sibling always was a debater, always trying to prove a point and always showing that they were right even if they were wrong. These actions show an insecurity and a true weakness.
The thought provoking idea was this: If you have to flaunt you intelligence and try to prove that your opinion is correct, then one would have to assume that the opposite is true. Showing off is not a way to gain respect, but to lose it. I was starting to like my sibling again until they started a debate for no reason. True intelligence is when you know when to interject a comment or a statement that can help in a conversation, not just to shout out opinions and random facts. The latter puts people off and makes them think less of you. So the next you want to just yell out an opinion or are trying to make yourself seem smarter,think before you do or someone will lose respect for you.

Sick of it!

Have you ever just let all the pain you have ever felt for a long while just build up till you can't take it anymore? Have you ever let it just explode and you have no idea what to do? Have you ever felt as if you're supposed to be the strong one and now you feel like you longer can do it? Have you ever felt like it all comes at once and you have no idea what just happened and you have no idea what to do?
Well I have. Many of times and I'm so tired of being strong. I'm so tired of pretending that everything is okay. I'm so tired that I don't feel right being myself around people. I'm sick of people being jerks to me and thinking that it's okay to put me down. I'm just sick of it all!
Why does pain always have to come? Why do I think it's okay to hide my feelings? Why do I think it's okay not to speak my mind at all, because I'm too afraid to hurt their feeling? Why don't I care about my own?
I'm sick of it ALL!

I Will Not Bow Down

I know I usually write some long rant or answer a question that I have had on my mind, but this entry will be different. The only words that I can possibly express myself is a poem that I wrote. It was one of my earliest ones, so it is not the best, but I still enjoy it. I hope you do as well.

I Will Not Bow Down

I stand here before you
As low as I can go
You’ve taken me
And beaten me
And thrown me to the ground

You stand there above
Smirking as you watch
Laughing at my cries of pain
And knowing that I’ve lost

Your bitter poisonous eyes
Staring me down
Wishing you could see me
Bow before you now

Too bad that won’t happen
Anytime of the year
Because the only time I’ll bow
Is when my body’s taken to
The ground

Paths

So when one hears the word path, one thinks of the literal use of the word or the metaphorical use. I personally enjoy looking at the metaphorical use of the word, since the meaning of it is deep.
Paths describe my life. It's as simple as that. I choose one every single day of my life and some are good and others are bad, but I never regret. That is something that one must learn when living this type of life. When going down a path, you can never turn back. You can only move forward.
Now there are points when one can completely be off of the path and in the forest. This is where I feel at the moment. I'm not lost, but I'm not on the path. It is as if I am avoiding it at all cost, yet it beckons me to come to it.
So here is my question involving this entry: Should one try to avoid his or her calling or should one just go down the correct path?
I would want to say go down the right path, but that would be a lie. I feel at times I'm trying to avoid what I'm supposed to do. Putting my own thoughts before God's. Yes this blog is called Speaking Inferno, but the reason of this title is to tell how difficult it is to actually say the truth. One of the many reasons why I am not on the right path.
I am a Christian and I do not just claim it. I actually follow, have faith and believe in God. This is also the reason why I like to look at paths metaphorically. I believe that GOd has laid out a path for me, but it is not just a straight one. No, it is one that branches out all over the place because He gave me free will. This is why I often try to runaway from His calling and often fail.
Now where I am going with this, I feel as if I am being called to the one thing I was trying to avoid all of my life: Ministry. I don't know what aspect, but I think this is what the calling is. I have always thrown this idea to the ground saying that it is only for my father and brother. I was not called and could never be called. That is not the profession I want to pursue. Yet now, I'm thinking differently. Maybe I am like Jonah and am just trying to runaway from it all, but I now just need listen. Sometimes that's all we can do is just listen.
I feel as if we all just talk, but we never just sit back and listen. I think we need to learn to listen and then the path might be easier to follow.