Another Year Older

So yesterday was my birthday and am in my last year at the university I go to. It just seems so surreal. I even had a conversation with a friend discussing being another year older (she is a little over a month older than I). My big moment of wisdom came when I mentioned that we officially can't get away with really stupid acts. There is a standard now that people expect, especially as we are either going to grad school or trying to find a career in the business world.

Now this is not the time that I reminiscence about the time I have spent in school or the lessons that I have faced. No, this will not be that type of blog today.

No, today will be about the conversation that I had with my oldest brother, whom I have recently let enter back into my life, very slowly, but back into my life.

He wished me a happy birthday and then we were talking about my schooling then how I am being stupid. I think he still thinks that I am choosing the easy way out by living where I am living. I don't think he has any clue that I am still trying to find a community to truly fit in like I had at the college I had attended freshman year.

I do have friends, I lead a young adult group at church, I do a lot of volunteering and have many great experiences here, but I just don;t have that tight community. I still struggle with this from time to time when I feel like I have no one to hang out with. I have connected with some people, but unfortunately they go to school two hours away from where I live, which is a little sad for me, but I get over it.

But the area of argument is that I want to find a career around this area. I enjoyed visiting this area, but have come to love where I live. I have ideal places that I would love to settle in and I see so much potential in this area. I really want to be a part of the growth or maybe impact it to grow.

He unfortunately doesn't see the growth and believes I have too much ambition for this area. I understand that He doesn't want me to be stuck, but I have no desire of moving out the state. I never have wanted to leave this state and I wouldn't mind traveling, but not more than a week.

But the area that angers me the most is that he says that I am acting like him. I will say I completely disagree, he was stubborn in the way of burning bridges and not have a complete direction for his life. I have an idea of a direction, I never burn bridges (because you never know how you will need that connection in the future) and I always seek guidance from people I trust (parents, mentors, professors). I also do this thing called praying. I do pray that God will help me find this direction and has really caused me to completely fall in love with this part of the state and feel a responsibility to stay, because if all the ambitious people leave this area, then there will be no growth and revitalization.

My brother I think is trying to help me, but I think he is giving me advice that would have helped him, which does not necessarily help me. I am happy he is concerned, but I am sad he will not hear my reasoning of all the strong businesses here and the new start ups that have been around for 5+ years. I see hope and potential; he sees me being stuck and content. I see a challenge and I know by staying here, I will have a challenge that will never get boring and that's what I need. I don;t need an area that has been consistently good, I would get bored, but here, well I know I'm in the right place.

Growing Up

As I am reaching the impending end of my end of my third year of college, it has recently and most abruptly hit me that I must at some point grow up. This terrifying thought has crossed my mind with my constant search for an internship. As much fun as it is to be an adult and be allowed to do many activities when I would want to, the responsibility is what is the most terrifying of all realizations.
I remember being in high school and dreaming of the day when I would gain the freedom that I so desired. Back then I also wanted to be a director in theatre and did not have any true sense of reality. I mean, who does when they are eighteen years old. The entire idea of freedom sounds so very fascinating, but consequences never cross your mind. Nor does the word responsibility cross it.
The other reason for this realization is because of the amount of friends that I have who are in serious relationships or are engaged. My friends who were just in college organizations with me are planning their weddings! It makes me very excited, but also nervous.
Now don't get me wrong, I truly am excited for all of my friends who are getting married and am genuinely happy for them. It is just strange to me that I am now at the age of when it is socially acceptable to get married. I mean I have friends who have a career! I felt like this is a long way off for me, but I just have a year of schooling left for my undergraduate degree. It seems that life is happening way too quickly and I just want to enjoy and experience every moment of it.
At this point it may seem like I may possibly be opposed to this life change. I will have to disagree with you on that, because this is exciting. Even though each day that I apply for an internship ad go to my dead end job, I keep the hope that my education will get me out of retail and into a career that I will thrive. I also look for excitement that my overall life will bring. I may not know what will happen tomorrow or next week or next year, but I know that this terrifying feeling that I have of this realization will turn into excitement.
Growing up is not a bad experience, it just is an odd when that takes turns with every move you make.