From Your Perspective

 I will admit, that I have been frustrated recently with my faith, since I feel like I'm not doing anything. I haven't found a church yet to get involved with and I feel like I have not been serving in the way that I want to. I thought that I was growing in my faith, but I feel like it has come to this haltering stop, which is completely frustrating for me. But recently, this one song started getting stuck in my head and I couldn't get it out of my head. Then this past Friday it was playing on the radio and the words finally sunk in.

So here I stand, here stand on what you build

You are surrounding me and the walls will never, ever ever come down
You build me up like a city of gold
The battles rage but I’m standing tall
You formed my heart like an empire
the wind and rain can’t stop this fire
If only I could see it from your perspective
The beauty and the grace of your architecture

I don't know how to properly describe the thoughts that hit me after listening to this song. Actually, I do know how to describe this feeling by quoting John Wesley, "I felt my heart strangely warmed."

The idea that I am built up "...like a city of gold..." and no matter how much wind and how much rain, the fire of my soul will never go out! Sometimes these simple reminders get you back on track and will help you see from a different perspective.

See, I have been church hopping still and like I mentioned in my post about church hopping, I just don't like it. I feel like I'm this misplaced person roaming around and trying to find a place to call home, but I haven't found it. It's disheartening and causes me a lot of frustration. It's hard to find a community, which is really messed up if you think about it (since it's the church), but that will be for another post.

Back on point though, it's hard to go into a church and have people give you this face value welcome. I've met nice people, but not really anyone who wanted to get to know me. Nice people are not going to keep me coming back. Most of the pastors I've heard are good, but I don't believe that the church should only function around the pastor. The congregation needs to set the tone of what the church stands for and the focus should be around Jesus.

 

Maybe this is just my perspective, but I just want to worship in a place where people care about me and me caring about them. I want to fellowship with people and serve together and do what Christ called us to do. I don't care if the music is the most cutting edge or if the church has 100 people or 10,000. I just want a to find a community with authentic people.

Feeling this disappointment of churches that I've gone to, this song hit me. No matter the battle that is happening inside me, I'm standing tall; no matter how much the storm may come to put out the fire, I will still be set ablaze. It's choosing to not see a church from your perspective, which is what I did at one church and one Sunday I went and it was drastically changed when I wasn't viewing from my perspective and that was the telltale sign that I would not fit at the church. 

I was originally looking for a church that was comfortable, which many of these churches were comfortable and I could have easily walked in during service and left afterwards and "had my church for the week" type of attitude, but I can't do that. Having faith should not be comfortable, but should challenge you. 

So as I continue church hopping, I choose to see from a different perspective. I know I will still be frustrated from time to time and I know that I will not be finding community right away, but this new perspective will give me a peace that I could not give to myself.