Waking Up From Complacency

The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open. – Chuck Palahniuk

 I have officially been done with college for two weeks and have fallen into a place of complacency, which is utterly terrible. Now you are probably thinking this can be a good thing for the fact that I have been so stressed during the school year and that it is good for me to be able to relax and be in a point where nothing is changing so much. There is an area of truth in this, but at the same time it is awful.

I discovered my complacency with life during the last couple days at work. I work in a retail store and it is so easy to just fall into the motions of life in this type of job. You do the same actions each and every day. For example: I walk into work, clock in and check the fitting rooms and grab between 15 to 30 pieces of clothing from the rack and put it back. That pretty much sums up my days, except for the fact that I may have a project that I have to complete, but putting clothes back in their place is always a part of my day. It just seems so second nature to me now that it doesn’t faze me. I could most likely put these clothes away blind-folded because you just gain a memory where you remember where everything goes. Realizing that this doesn’t sound too bad (let’s be realistic, this is equivalent to any other menial job out there), but the part that kills me is when the fitting rooms are a mess.

Let me give a warning here: I have many horror stories about what I have faced in the fitting rooms and being completely honest, some of them can be hysterical because one cannot believe people are just that disgusting, but I will not be going into any of this detail, because I prefer to tell these stories in person and I just can’t write them in a funny way (being completely honest).

Any way, going back onto the topic of complacency, I was sitting on the fitting room floor folding a bunch of clothes and almost finishing my pile. I was so happy that I was almost finished and could potentially start a project, but then my nightmare happened. A customer dumped a bunch of clothes on top of my perfectly sorted pile, made some sort of comment on how horrible my job must be, smiled and then said “sorry.”

This is a regular occurrence in my life. It happens at least 3 times during a shift no matter how long my shift is. Sad, but true.

During this encounter was different; this encounter set a spark off in my brain; this encounter woke something up deep inside me; this encounter made me realize that this cannot be my life and I needed to do something fast to fix it.

The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open. – Chuck Palahniuk

The encounter woke up a part in me that found my motivation in life to search for something more and a purpose; the encounter cut a part of me open and exposing me to a spark of truth. What is this truth you might ask? It is simple actually: you are more than this.

I have so many ideas, dreams and aspirations that my skills are being wasted in this menial job. This does not mean that I am not thankful for this job, because I am. It would be stupid and foolish not to be thankful for this job since so many people are having a difficult time finding employment, but this does not mean that I don’t want something more. I am young and desire to do something more than to clean up after people in a fitting room.

I feel like so many people fall into this state of complacency and find ways to justify it. This was so apparent when I was helping at youth group on Wednesday when the majority of the kids raised their hands when asked the question of “how many of your parents are not happy with their jobs?” This is such an appalling fact for me to see and then having those kids not being able to answer whether they have an idea of what they wanted to be when they went to college. I remember when I was in second grade I wanted to be a chemist, then in 4th-7th grade I wanted to be an archeologist, then from 8th to my senior year of high school I wanted to be something involving English or theatre (yes, I realize I graduated with two degrees in Marketing, but I am finding that English and theatre have a lot to do with this field if you really think about it). I always had a vision with what I wanted to do with my life and yes, I would fall into points where I fell into complacency, but would wake up. I felt like I was relating too much to these kids who did not know what they wanted to do with their life, because I know exactly what I want to do with my life.

I am so tired of being in this state of this complacency that I am ready to wake up and be cut completely open to find the happiness that I want. I am so determined now to find that career that I want to pursue that I am willing to step out on faith and just go for it. Really, what is it going to hurt? I might get turned down, but who cares. The thing that would be worst is not applying at all. That’s the true state of complacency of finding every excuse not to step out and be cut open to find that happiness.

Why I Suck at Communication

Spoiler Alert! I don't really believe I am terrible at communication, but this came into my mind the other day and wanted to write a post about it.

So as most of you know, I graduated last Friday with a dual major and yada yada yada... And like most other recent graduates, I am still stuck at the menial jobs that we were working at during our education. But this is not a post about how I don't have a job or how practically every job I want I am way under qualified for because why spend tons of money on an education that will actually get you a job (seriously, these schools need to get their mind out of the perfect world of academia and enter the real world. Anyone with me on that?). But I digress.

This past week I have really not done tons. I have begun teaching myself creative suites, volunteered at church with the youth group, worked, read some books and engulfed myself with watching/catching up on some YouTube subscriptions. Now, I bet you're wondering why any of this has to do with communication and why I suck at it? And I also bet you are wondering why I always pose a question that I will soon be answering? The second question is way easier to answer to which the answer is simple: It is my writing style. I like asking rhetorical questions that are only slightly rhetorical cause I like answering questions that should probably stay rhetorical. So... if you don't like it, well, then I don't really care. Let's be honest, I'm not changing my writing style at this point.

I am horrible at getting off topic on blogs (you should just hear me in life. I am all over the place, but I am really good at hiding my craziness or at least I like to think so). Once again, super off topic.

Back on why I suck at communication. I will write about this topic the best way I can, which will be a LIST! Cause who doesn't like making a list?

Why I Suck at Communication

Reason 1

I get way too overly excited about stuff.

When I am in a state of over excitement, I tend to talk super fast or make exceedingly lame jokes, which during these times I think are super hilarious.  Also I try to have everyone else be as excited as I am, which typically doesn’t happen because I get excited about really random things. But then there are the times that I get so excited that I have to try to contain myself and try to act normal (this is what I call my “total geek-out” moments). These moments typically involve me talking super fast, trying not to skip and random short claps, like miniature applause. The first two I completely understand, but I’m not sure why I exactly clap really fast when I’m excited. My family makes fun of me all the time when I do this, but whatever.

Reason 2

I sometimes expect certain people to know stuff.

I don’t want to sound mean with this, but I don’t think it is wrong to use certain terms around certain people. For instance, I do not believe it is wrong to use technical marketing terms in a paper for a class if it is for an upper level marketing class. I don’t think that is wrong at all, but alas, I had a professor who said that wasn’t “professional” (anyone else sense a bitter tone? Yep, will forever be bitter with constantly getting Bs on papers when I can write and awesome paper even if my blog doesn’t always show my true writing ability). Another example of this is when I talk about a subject, which I get super excited about (look at above reason to see how this reason makes it worse).

Reason 3

I may be kind of sarcastic from time to time.

So that may be kind of an understatement. I can be extremely sarcastic depending on the situation. For example, the reason I really started tweeting was to make fun of one of my professors. I even made a hashtag specifically for him and may have live tweeted during his class because it was utterly ridiculous. He was a guy teaching a class about digital marketing and had no idea how to correctly use social media, so what better way to get back at him but by live tweeting (See the irony in that? I think it’s funny, but everyone knows that I try to find irony in everything!) Another example is just when people say really stupid statements, I can’t even think of an example of one but I know you know what I’m talking about, and I come with a sarcastic statement. Sometimes these statements come out too quickly and I sometimes regret it (anyone remember word vomit? Yep, these are my typical word vomit times).

Reason 4

I prefer talking to people in person.

This doesn’t sound like this is a bad way of communicating or why I suck, but in fact it can be. It takes me FOREVER to write an email. There was even a time I was planning a meeting with a professional to explain a complex topic in marketing to me and she said to send her a text. It took me about five minutes to send a text reply because I didn’t want to sound like an idiot. Which you are probably wondering why I blog if emailing and texts (professional ones) freak me out? It’s because when I type this out, I’m really talking to myself and it doesn’t freak me out, plus this isn’t super professional (admitting that I’m pretty much write this talking to myself doesn’t sound good. I promise I’m not crazy, it’s just part of my writing process).

Reason 5

I can be awkward.

In some situations, not all situations and this actually doesn’t happen all too often, but I become super awkward or at least super awkward in my mind and can’t talk or complete sentences. I think this can sometimes relate to the first reason is because I become way too excited. This sometimes happens around people who I really admire, but this doesn’t stay for too long cause I have this technique in making myself normal (I swear I’m not crazy), or guys who I am attracted to and respect (Not all about looks to me, but need to have a brain. When they have a brain, that’s when I become an idiot).

So those are the reasons I suck at communication. Most of these are typically played out in my mind and no one really notices them in real life or if they are noticed, no one is cool enough to tell me. SO… the moral of the story…or post since that’s what this is and not really a story…is there really is no moral of the story. Maybe I will write something next time that has a lesson at the end of that. Hmm… that could be interesting, but I will probably continue writing post that includes rhetorical questions that I will inevitably answer in the next sentence in a long-winded response. Until next time.

FUN FACT: if you ever are in an actual conversation with me, I will say the phrase "Here's the thing" all the time and I can't help it at all.

To my Teachers

This past weekend I have graduated from my University. I do consider this a big thing, even if I am just one of the many in my family that has a college degree. The reason though I am writing about this is the fact that one of my coworkers at the retail store I work at, who also happens to be a teacher, said something to me that made me realize so much. She turned to me and said, "Congratulations Kelley. No one can take this accomplishment from you."

To be honest, that was one of my favorite congratulations I have ever had, because she understands.
And here's why:

This post is dedicated to the teachers that have inspired me through my life. The sad thing about this post is that probably none of them will read this post or know how much their lessons meant to me.

It all started when I was in second grade and had a wonderful teacher. I was a new student in a new school in a new town, but she was so welcoming. My second grade teacher was like the ones you would see in the movies. The best example I can honestly give is that she had the same temperament as Miss Honey from Matilda. She saw the best in all students and encouraged everyone that they were both creative and smart.

Skipping a few years to junior high, not that I didn't have any good teachers during the time in between but this post is focusing on the ones who had the most influence on me, to my English class. I had always known I had loved reading and digging deeper into books, but I didn't know how much I loved writing until that class. I will admit, at the time I thought keeping a daily journal was honestly annoying, but the more I wrote, the more understanding I had for myself. I also started writing down stories and coming up with different ideas. The best part of being "forced" to write is how I started reflecting on what I was doing in life. My 7th grade English teacher taught us to laugh with books and to form opinions that weren't our parents' opinions. She let us think outside of the box and tried to keep us well-rounded. I honestly can't tell you what books I read in that class or what papers I wrote, because it has been quite a few years since I was 13, but I can tell you that without her encouraging me to write and express myself, I probably wouldn't be writing this blog.

Skipping a few years again to an English teacher I had in high school. I was fortunately able to have her during my sophomore and senior years and I wish I could have her as a professor. I look back on all the random (or what I thought at the time was random, but so inherently deep) projects about King Arther and Greek Mythology and so many other key literary items that if it wasn't for these random projects, I don't think I would enjoy literature as much. She also made us do this project our senior year that was a type of autobiography of our lives. During that point in my life I was so theatre driven and wanted to pursue only that and written in the margins of my life were comments encouraging me to keep going. I don't know if I will ever write a play, but if I do, she will be getting the first ticket since she taught me so much and I was at an age where I couldn't appreciate all the knowledge she wanted to share with us.

Now to my freshman year of college. I had an English professor who totally forced me out of my comfort zone. At that point that I had her, I had already changed my major to marketing and was taking this course just in case I wanted to continue to pursue a degree in English. I ended up continuing my degree in marketing, but her class taught me how to write from the soul. If you look back in the archives of this blog, I had written about a paper that I wrote for her class. The paper was about my grandfather who had died during my senior year. I guess I didn't realize how bitter I was about his passing until I had a meeting with this professor who told me it was okay to cry. Plus now, after my three years of being a business major, I understand the true meaning of Herman Melville's Bartleby, the Scrivener. So thank you for requiring me to read that short story that I was able to relate to my entire last semester. I highly recommend reading that short story!

This is the last teacher I will be writing about. This professor has helped me out in so many ways and I have so much respect for him. My professor for Integrated Marketing Communications and Creative Lab taught me so much about marketing and how it shouldn't have limits; that it shouldn't be so black and white; that it is creative. One thing that I loved about his class is that if you came up with this super crazy idea and showed it to him, he would say that we needed to be prepared to defend it. He also had a favorite question that I forever will cling to, which is the question of "why?" He specifically did this the most during IMC, because we had to create a marketing plan. He never truly questioned my group with what we were doing, but would ask us why we were doing something and it goes back to the point of being able to defend our idea. He didn't want us to simply do something, he wanted us to have an idea of backing it up. The best part about this though, is that he never made you feel stupid. He challenged you, but never put down your intelligence. I remember a time during this past semester when another professor screamed at the work my group turned in calling it horrible work and putting myself and my group down. I will admit that I did cry, but he (IMC and creative lab professor) was there saying that it probably wasn't as bad as we were led on to believe and that we need to move forward. He said that our group now knows what we need to do and that he believed we could do it.

There are many teachers and professors that I have had that were excellent. The ones mentioned are the ones that come to my mind as the ones who truly helped me along the way.
Like I said before, I know none of these people will read this blog post, but I'm putting this out there to show that I am appreciative of them. It is the best way for me to pay homage to them. Because unlike so many other career paths, and quoting from Mr. Mali, they make a damn difference.

Video Games lead to Deep Thoughts

So last night I refused to write my final paper for one of my classes and had just finished watching my Tuesday night shows (I love New Girl and The Mindy Project. Two AWESOME shows!!!) and had some time to kill before watching Letterman, so I did what every soon to be graduate does, I chose to do the most non-adult thing to do: Play Video Games.

I hooked up my old PS2, yep kicking it old school, and brought out a game I think I have beaten 4 or 5 times already (A proud accomplishment on my nerd card) and continued on a path for beating the game again. I'm sure you are wondering what game I was playing, so I'll tell you.

Yep, I play Quidditch World Cup in my free time on my PS2. I honestly can't tell you how long I have had this game, but I just keep going back to it, because who doesn't want to pretend that they are in the world of Harry Potter and play Quidditch.(BTW, I'm currently playing as the French National Team and I love the brooms they ride on.)

Now, you are probably wondering why I'm blogging about this (seriously, if you read this blog and haven't figured out that I am one of the most random bloggers ever and have no rhyme or reason for my blogs and are thinking that I won't explain why I'm blogging this, then you are the crazy one. I always explain my random thoughts!)
So anyway, it got me thinking how much I loved Harry Potter and the world and community it created. There are so many people who love the books and movies and it seriously took up so much of my childhood.
For example, I read the first Harry Potter book when I was in 4th grade because my oldest brother gave me his copy of the book after he finished reading it. I fell in love with the book and the series and then had long discussions with friends about details in the books and pretending we were a part of the books (I think the majority of the people in my generation did this and if you say you didn't then I'm calling BS!!!).
I even remember staying up really late to go and pick up Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix with my best friend. I still have the picture hanging in my room with she and I holding our newly purchased books with huge beaming smiles (and still to this day we still bring up the story of how we were in the front of the line and tried to stay up late reading the book).  That was the first time I ever stood in line to get the newest thing that was highly anticipated and actually thinking about it, that was the last time (Now I just pre-order things that I want to just avoid the lines. I kind of miss that excite of standing in line honestly).

Anyway, I have read and watched many blogs/vlogs about how Harry Potter changed a generation and I think it did. I really think it helped create a form of creativity that many of us hold on to and struggle with when you are dealing with people who try to stifle it. This creativity lead to fanfiction and hours of discussing everything Harry Potter and trying to get into Rowling's head.

BUT, what I appreciate the most in the Harry Potter series is the hope that it contains. I mean, look at the entire books series, it contains so much hope that good will prevails and that friendship will forever champion over the evil things in this world. Call me a fool, but I believe in this and believe that people should have hope.

So while I play my Quidditch game, I think of everything that Harry Potter brought to my life. I think of how it brought me super close to friends; how it taught me love reading; how it taught me to never doubt the magic in myself or in others; how it taught me to find that glimmer of hope even in the darker times and how it taught me that nothing is impossible. That's why I believe so many people are joining organizations like The Harry Potter Alliance, which follows the example of Dumbledore’s Army and fights for social justice. I personally subscribe to their email alerts and love to follow what they are doing. You know a book impacts people so much that they take the pact so seriously that they make an organization about it to fight things with love (Which is a huge thing in the series. Do I have to remind you of Lily's sacrifice?).

So I may be a soon to be graduate who plays a Quidditch video game, but I'm playing it because it reminds of all the great lessons related to one of my favorite books series that taught me so much about life.

In the footsteps of Wilberforce

For all my life I looked to people who I believed changed the world. I always dreamed of being a part of these groups of people when I grew up and now that I'm an adult, I've wondered how much have I actually learned from them.

One person who I really look up to and consider an inspirational person in my life is William Wilberforce. If this name does not sound familiar then I highly recommend you researching him since he was a key person in the abolitionist movement in England (By the way, they ended slavery in 1807, which was way before we did in America).

So why am I mentioning this? Because for some odd reason I cannot get the call that John Wesley (the founder of the United Methodist Church) gave to Wilberforce. This call to action was the very last letter that John Wesley sent to anyone, which I think is pretty cool because of the significance of it.

Balam, February 24, 1791
Dear Sir:
Unless the divine power has raised you us to be as Athanasius contra mundum, I see not how you can go through your glorious enterprise in opposing that execrable villainy which is the scandal of religion, of England, and of human nature. Unless God has raised you up for this very thing, you will be worn out by the opposition of men and devils. But if God be for you, who can be against you? Are all of them together stronger than God? O be not weary of well doing! Go on, in the name of God and in the power of his might, till even American slavery (the vilest that ever saw the sun) shall vanish away before it.
Reading this morning a tract wrote by a poor African, I was particularly struck by that circumstance that a man who has a black skin, being wronged or outraged by a white man, can have no redress; it being a "law" in our colonies that the oath of a black against a white goes for nothing. What villainy is this?
That he who has guided you from youth up may continue to strengthen you in this and all things, is the prayer of, dear sir,
Your affectionate servant, John Wesley

Wesley pretty much said that you will be going through troubling times and this job that you are dealt with is a difficult one, but you must fight it. They both saw injustice in the world and wanted to stop it.

This type of call to action really reminds me of Esther when her cousin Mordecai persuades her by saying that she may have been placed in the position she was in to help save her people. Also, if she didn't step up, then you might lose your entire family.

So going through difficult times and challenges may help you in the future? So going through situations where you thought you had all control in and then completely lost it and felt like you could not truly voice your opinion is a good thing? So seeing injustice is a good thing because it shows that you are not turning a blind eye?

All of these things are things that I deal with on a regular basis. So what am I doing that is causing a real impact? 

Random fact about me is that I consider myself a modern day abolitionist. If you are aren't familiar with this term, then it means that I am a person that supports movements like International Justice Mission and Love146 just to name a few. I, like Wilberforce, want to make sure that all people are free and are treated equally. I am not ignorant to the fact that there is modern day slavery. In fact there are more slaves today than there were when the slave trade that went on.

The last figure I saw said that there are about 27 million people (men, women and children) who are slaves today. This honestly kills me inside and one of the many reasons why I specifically follow and support Love146. They specifically focus on "The abolition of child trafficking and exploitation."

So once, you are probably wondering why I am bringing this up.

When I was 17 years old, I met a missionary who worked with these girls who saved from the sex trade and have forever been changed from the stories she told me. I thought the work she did was amazing, but I knew that the work like that was not best for me. I'm not necessarily the most compassionate person and really freeze up in situations that I don't know how to deal with, but I still want to make a difference, especially n this area.

Someone needs to fight this and not everyone is called to go to another country and actually be on the forefront of the action. There is also a need for people at home spreading the news that this is going on.

I used to be so passionate on this subject, telling everyone I could about this. I did not want anyone to not know about child trafficking, because I believe it is a scandal against human nature. No child should have their childhood taken from them from these villains.

So take a few minutes and watch this clip. Just Imagine what it is like to be one of those kids and imagine what we can do to stop this.

Creative Minds Don't Make Sense

I completely understand that I should be writing a paper and/or proofreading a friends paper for that same class. Yet, I really have absolutely no motivation to actually write this ( I will probably be writing it frantically tonight, but I at least have the research for it all done).

What I'm really thinking about is the future. I swear I have been so focused on school and had kind of an idea of what I wanted to do with everything that I swear I haven't actually taken the time I have needed to figure out what I have want to actually do with my life. For example, I don't know if I'm truly fit for some of these traditional marketing positions since my thought process is just so different.

The way that my mind processes situations are just done in a story. Literally, my thought process kind of looks like this:

Yep, if you remember your English classes then you should recall that this is a Plot Map. The only difficulty with having a mind thinking in this way is that you never have too many resolutions, since life is not like a novel.

But having this as my typical thought process, it makes me think kind of in a oddly creative way. For example, I ca just look at a person and can quickly create a back story for them (because who doesn't love back stories?).

This also causes me to understand really odd things that can be exceptionally weird, but it makes perfect sense. An actual example of this is the musical "Cats." I am one of the very few people who believes that it actually has a plot line and you just have to pay attention to be able to understand it. It's actually a great story and no, I will not explain it right now. I am a big enough of a nerd, I don't need to show my nerd card to you.

But if you have actually read this then you are probably wondering how this all correlates with about my future. I really believe that if you want to pursue something and it is not out there, then create it. I find it so ironic that the education is cutting the arts yet I swear people are expressing their creativity so much more or people are using the internet to actually express themselves. There is this whole online community creating webseries, blogs and so many other types of entertainment and education out on the web AND my education at the University is just turning the other cheek at this. They are refusing to embrace this changing medium and how different careers are crossing over.

I believe I will find something that will fit in this category, because lets face it, people want change and I'm seeing the movement. Creativity will always beat out these "standardized" test that absolutely tell us nothing other than people can memorize facts. There are people out there who want to change this and I believe that this is coming.

La Vie Bohème!