Thought Provoking

So I shall just come out with it and say the question for this post since I am not in the particular mood to make a setting for the question. Have you ever had a person question everything that you stood for and believe in and you can tell that they are really hurting inside and know that you can do nothing to help them?
No surprise, if you have read this before, I have experienced this type of person. It is rather frustrating at times when dealing with this type of a person especially if you are related to them. Showing love and understanding is even harder.
I love my family, but a certain sibling is causing a lot of grief, since they like to always cause debates. They were just about to leave when this heated debate came up. I was fearful about it since I knew it would be another half an hour before they would leave. So by the time they had actually left, I was angry as can be and had no outlet. I just walked around the backyard for a little bit to let some steam out and then came back in and talked to my parents. My parents brought up many points about why my sibling was probably acting in this way.
So now the lesson of this random story is now coming. My sibling always was a debater, always trying to prove a point and always showing that they were right even if they were wrong. These actions show an insecurity and a true weakness.
The thought provoking idea was this: If you have to flaunt you intelligence and try to prove that your opinion is correct, then one would have to assume that the opposite is true. Showing off is not a way to gain respect, but to lose it. I was starting to like my sibling again until they started a debate for no reason. True intelligence is when you know when to interject a comment or a statement that can help in a conversation, not just to shout out opinions and random facts. The latter puts people off and makes them think less of you. So the next you want to just yell out an opinion or are trying to make yourself seem smarter,think before you do or someone will lose respect for you.

Sick of it!

Have you ever just let all the pain you have ever felt for a long while just build up till you can't take it anymore? Have you ever let it just explode and you have no idea what to do? Have you ever felt as if you're supposed to be the strong one and now you feel like you longer can do it? Have you ever felt like it all comes at once and you have no idea what just happened and you have no idea what to do?
Well I have. Many of times and I'm so tired of being strong. I'm so tired of pretending that everything is okay. I'm so tired that I don't feel right being myself around people. I'm sick of people being jerks to me and thinking that it's okay to put me down. I'm just sick of it all!
Why does pain always have to come? Why do I think it's okay to hide my feelings? Why do I think it's okay not to speak my mind at all, because I'm too afraid to hurt their feeling? Why don't I care about my own?
I'm sick of it ALL!

I Will Not Bow Down

I know I usually write some long rant or answer a question that I have had on my mind, but this entry will be different. The only words that I can possibly express myself is a poem that I wrote. It was one of my earliest ones, so it is not the best, but I still enjoy it. I hope you do as well.

I Will Not Bow Down

I stand here before you
As low as I can go
You’ve taken me
And beaten me
And thrown me to the ground

You stand there above
Smirking as you watch
Laughing at my cries of pain
And knowing that I’ve lost

Your bitter poisonous eyes
Staring me down
Wishing you could see me
Bow before you now

Too bad that won’t happen
Anytime of the year
Because the only time I’ll bow
Is when my body’s taken to
The ground

Paths

So when one hears the word path, one thinks of the literal use of the word or the metaphorical use. I personally enjoy looking at the metaphorical use of the word, since the meaning of it is deep.
Paths describe my life. It's as simple as that. I choose one every single day of my life and some are good and others are bad, but I never regret. That is something that one must learn when living this type of life. When going down a path, you can never turn back. You can only move forward.
Now there are points when one can completely be off of the path and in the forest. This is where I feel at the moment. I'm not lost, but I'm not on the path. It is as if I am avoiding it at all cost, yet it beckons me to come to it.
So here is my question involving this entry: Should one try to avoid his or her calling or should one just go down the correct path?
I would want to say go down the right path, but that would be a lie. I feel at times I'm trying to avoid what I'm supposed to do. Putting my own thoughts before God's. Yes this blog is called Speaking Inferno, but the reason of this title is to tell how difficult it is to actually say the truth. One of the many reasons why I am not on the right path.
I am a Christian and I do not just claim it. I actually follow, have faith and believe in God. This is also the reason why I like to look at paths metaphorically. I believe that GOd has laid out a path for me, but it is not just a straight one. No, it is one that branches out all over the place because He gave me free will. This is why I often try to runaway from His calling and often fail.
Now where I am going with this, I feel as if I am being called to the one thing I was trying to avoid all of my life: Ministry. I don't know what aspect, but I think this is what the calling is. I have always thrown this idea to the ground saying that it is only for my father and brother. I was not called and could never be called. That is not the profession I want to pursue. Yet now, I'm thinking differently. Maybe I am like Jonah and am just trying to runaway from it all, but I now just need listen. Sometimes that's all we can do is just listen.
I feel as if we all just talk, but we never just sit back and listen. I think we need to learn to listen and then the path might be easier to follow.

Opinion

When someone asks you a question, most usually give an answer that shows his or her opinions. Now, when someone asks you your view of certain novels and ask a large ambiguous question about literary devices, you let your opinion out. Opinions are not right or wrong, but trying to make your opinion seem like the only correct one, well this is just dumb. No opinion is right or wrong, it is an opinion, a personal idea that you have.
Now the thing that has always gotten on my nerves, an "opinion" that I have gotten over the years is that people who try to act exceedingly intelligent, are usually the most ignorant. To talk about specific topics and begin them off in a nice gentle conversation and then turn it into a debate is not the best thing to do, especially when the person who you were conversing with.
I had just dealt with this situation the other day and it really is upsetting. First of all, I was not in the mood to debate. Second of all, I was tired and would have rather had a nice conversation about favorite styles of books rather than debating whether the use of symbolism or literary devices were used in all books. My opinion on this is that most books or novels contain some type of symbolism or literary devices. These things might not be the most apparent part of the work, but there might just be a sentence or even a phrase.
That is what I said in my conversation, but the other started to come back with historical books and biographies etc. It seemed they just wanted to prove me wrong with my idea that every piece of writing has symbolism. If the cover has a flag on it, then guess what, that is symbolizing something in the novel or if there is a picture showing something that happened, that is also symbolizing something.
Words are not the only way to show symbolism. One just has to be creative with everything to make sure it comes across.
So I guess the moral of the little blog is: Don't think your opinion is the correct one, because everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. And don't try to debate all the time with a person, because it gets a little annoying and no one will want to be around you if you just randomly start debates. Sometimes people just want to converse calmly on a subject they enjoy.

The Shock Factor

So I have been up for a few hours in this day already. It wasn't because I couldn't get to sleep, but because I chose to get up at 6am and to leave by my dorm by 7. Why would any college student wake up that early, especially when their morning class was canceled and had only one class today, which is at 11.
So why did I get up? Because I had something to do. From 7:30am to 9am, I was passing out free cereal to any student or faculty member that passed by. I and some others were just standing outside the library saying "Free Cereal!" and a lot replied back with a shake of the head or a simple no. The thing that really surprised me was that so many people were not willing to take the cereal. At times it felt as if we were convincing people that it was okay to take it.
Another shocking factor was the look of surprise on people's faces. Many kept asking, "Why are you doing this? Are you raising money or doing this for some cause?" And we would reply, "We are doing this because we want to give out free cereal."
The looks that they gave were shocking at times, because some would be so happy to receive cereal and then others would just give us a look that did not look positive to say the least.
So my question for this entry of this blog is this:
Why is it so shocking to be positive in the morning and giving away something free?
My answer is simple, yet can also be very hard to grasp. First off, we are not used to people being positive, especially in the morning. So when we see people who are actually happy, it makes us feel uncomfortable since we live in such a cynical world. Being positive is no longer a social norm, which is really sad. The second point is that we are not used to things being free. Everything has a catch to it and if someone says free, we automatically think, "What's the catch?" We were passing things out for free, yes we were apart of an organization, but we weren't really saying this is who were are. We were just doing a kind deed for people and that's all.
The shock factor was from the people who organized the whole idea of passing out free food. The shock factor was from the people who passed out the free food. The shock factor is also from whatever good deed someone did because of the kind deed that was done for them. It is sort of like the pay-it-forward idea.
So, a shock factor doesn't have to be this big event or some type of revolution, it can simply be from being kind to a person. This is so shocking, because who is kind anymore? Maybe that can be a new revolutionary idea to think about. It is so simple yet it is so hard to follow through.

Change?

My question for today's blog is can people change?

I think to answer this question, one must look deeper than just the surface level. One can change, but it can take time. Change can only happen if the person is willing to admit his or her faults, say they were wrong and actually apologize for whatever his or her crime(illegal or something simple) may be.

For a person to say that they can change within a day, now that is something I don't believe in. People cannot change that quickly, since change is a slow process. To think that change can happen quickly is a thought for a child who has not seen the ways of the world. And if you think my view is wrong, then give me one example of a person who has just changed within seconds. I have not heard of anyone who has actually achieved this type of epiphany and have changed for a long period of time.

So does this mean I don't believe in change?
The answer to that is no, because change can happen. The only thing that is difficult with change is that one must be ready for it or else it will knock the person off of their balance beam of life.

Does this mean I have a lack of faith in people?
Well maybe this is true, but if someone has been hurt because of the change that someone has supposedly made, then wouldn't you have a lack of faith in people too?

Conversation Listener

So, I'm at a point in my life where I can say whether I am a good listener or not. For some reason people are drawn to me to tell me their story. It's not like I think this is a bad thing, but it just happens. The only problem is, I like to keep certain things to myself. This creates a horrible cycle of me filled with a lot of emotion and not being able to express myself. I feel like I want to explode from time to time, because there is too much on my mind. And it's not always frivolous things, but important things. Like what my friends have told me, secrets, pain that I have felt, and the added stress from classes. Now, I can handle these things to a certain extent, but at times I would like to be the one talking in the conversation and asking for help and not the one listening and helping. I want to break this need in my heart to listen to people and help. I don't mind helping, but I need people who can understand me and unfortunately I don't have that. Not that I don't have good friends, I have some of the best friends in the world, it's just that I need the spiritual support. I'm gaining it, I just wish I had a little more of it. I don't just want to be the listener, I want to be the one talking so these feelings will get out. The only problem is, who do I share these emotions with? I don't know, but I need to stop being the conversation listener and need to actually start sharing. That's a hard step to do. Let's see if I succeed.

Hiding

Can anyone really hide parts of themselves? I think some can and others can't hide parts of their life to save their life. Some try to hide, but they seem so fake when they hangout with the group.

So does hiding parts of your personality mean you are being fake? I think the answer to this question is a simple yes. If you cannot be yourself and tell the truth about yourself, then why live at all. If you're living a lie, then you aren't really living at all. And if you aren't living, then what are you? Are you slowly suffocating your true identity till your identity is just a simple memory from a bright summer day? Or does your identity live on forever just laying in a closet somewhere wanting to break free? Who knows. I don't know the answers, but I think that hiding yourself is not a good thing to practice. It just ends up hurting you at the end of the day.

Why do we hide? Do we do this just to protect ourselves or are we embarrassed of who we are? Do we hide because it sometimes feels easier to cover who we really are so we don't break or does this action actually break us?

I say we just stop hiding and come into the light. It's a hard step to do, but it would make things a little easier. But who knows.

Rant

You know what gets under my skin, stupidity. Not like the stupid things that people do that are funny, but the actual asinine personality. I am currently dealing with a person who has no intelligence relating to life. It is as if they are clueless to their surroundings. And if they do realize everything that is happening around them, then they are doing a good job in hiding their intelligence. Really, how can a person really be that oblivious to life? I might just be overreacting, but what if I’m not. What if this person just has no clue and will soon fail at life all together. Well, then what can I do? The answer to that is nothing.
If there is one thing I have learned over time is that if someone is doing something foolish; you cannot help them unless they ask. Oh, and if they do ask and reject your help, then don’t help them and five them no pity. Because at the end of the day, that’s all they want; they want only your pity and to guilt you.

Pity: the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by misfortunes.

Guilt: a feeling of having done wrong.
Why should I have pity on a person who constantly complains? Why should I feel guilt if they are causing themselves the misfortune? Why should I actually deal with this person?
Is this not just another curse of life? The question that no one really knows how to answer, but we can only ponder. Do we just deal with the stupid people of the world who think that they deserve pity? Unfortunately, the answer to that question is yes. I hate to admit that, but we do have to stand them and just hope that they do not have children, because if they haven’t learned to live, then their children will be worthless.
Oh, the lack of pity that I have for some people. So, does this mean I am a cold-hearted person or does it mean I have a brain to think? Well, does anyone really know the answer to this question?

The First of Many

Oh the wonderful world of blogging. The place where one can truly show their true feelings of the world around them. The place where no one really knows each other, but at the same time, they might actually know them the best. Is that not true? When we write in these forms, we can express who we really are and no one will judge you in the same way, since they are only judging the writings that we do. Isn't that just the greatest thing? We can be who we are, yet hide who we are. Isn't that the direction our generation is moving towards? We hide who we really are for the fear of what others think. Why? What's the whole point in doing this? It doesn't help and it more so hurts us. So why hide ourselves? Why change who we are for society? Why go with the social norms, because who is really "normal?" No one is "normal" and this idea is killing us. People constantly want more and that is the reason we are slowly dying. Suffocating ourselves with the idea of materialism. We need to change and give up some of the things we so called "need"(which are only items we want). Change needs to happen. A new revolution needs to happen so our generation won't be falling into a pit of destruction. We are creating our own inferno.