Last night was a very interesting night for me. I went to bed at a decent hour of 11:30 and thought I would get a decent night of sleep. This was not the case at all.
I woke up around 3am and felt this sharpening pain near my heart. The dream I had was the most terrifying dream I have ever had, because it was of me dying. It was very graphic and felt real. I could not go back to sleep and was really scared. I don't think I have ever felt this much fear in my life.
So what I did to relax was to pray, for that was the only thing I could do. The result of the dream really shook me up and I prayed and confessed whatever was on my heart.
After I went to sleep again, I had another dream, which was equally strange but in a different way. I was with a friend and we were just standing around talking. Then a black wind type thing entered into them. Once the black wind thing entered into them, they turned into a dragon and rushed to a group of innocent people. I chased after my friend who turned into the dragon and jumping in front of the group of people. I looked at them and said "The Lord is my light and my Salvation. Whom shall I fear?" I then followed up by saying that I have the armor of God and the armor appeared on me. I then battled my friend and was able to defeat them. Then I woke up.
These two dreams are completely different and both terrify me in a different way, but I feel as if they mean more. I know people have said that dreams are gateways to one's soul, but I'm always a little hesitant on that. Not that I don't believe the importance of dreams, but I just don't take them that seriously.
Now after the night I had, I'm starting to think that they might actually play a bigger role. I don't think I will ever forget either of these dreams, because the details have been playing over and over again in my head like they have a deeper meaning that I haven't figured out yet. I guess I will have to look deeper to think what the true meaning of these dreams are.
09 December 2010
20 October 2010
Carving Pumpkins
So, I have no idea whether I have mentioned this or not, but I lead a young adult group at church. I have been doing this since The middle of July and have had a great time leading this group. I have been able to find it as a very satisfying thing to lead and have gotten closer with people. I usually lead the group with lessons and am at the head of planning and making sure all the background stuff is completed so that we may proceed to our fun activities.
Each lesson has been fun and I know I have been trying to dive deeper so that I can lead, but it wasn't until today that I personally got really moved.
Today we carved pumpkins. We sat around a table and laughed and had an overall good time. We had Christian templates that we could carve on them and just had a fun time designing and emptying the pumpkins out. It wasn't until one of the girls mentioned she had never carved a pumpkin before is when it hit me.
She is 19yrs old and had missed out on something that I thought was very traditional. She mentioned her family just didn't have the money to purchase a pumpkin and was very excited she got to do this.
As she was saying this, I was just in complete shock. I just never really thought of someone not having enough money to buy a pumpkin to carve, but here she is at this group getting to enjoy her first carved pumpkin.
The true feelings didn't hit me until I was driving home from the church and just thinking a lot about this. Myself and my friend who helps me plan events just chose this cause we thought it would be fun and something traditional that everyone had done in their childhood. We weren't thinking about the idea of someone getting to experience something that they wanted to do when they were little.
It just really made me think that as young adults, we can actually make a difference in each others lives. Just by having events like carving pumpkins and having movie nights or game nights can totally help a person feel accepted and that people actually care about them.
I will be the first to admit that this group is a bit of a random group of people, but the more I have started to lead it, the more I feel like this is the perfect place for me. I honestly have no idea where everyone is on their walk, but I think that me just being there and having this group keep going is going to be the best purpose of all cause it causes the people who didn't necessarily fit into youth group have a group where they are cared about and missed if they don't show up.
So just remember when you are carving your pumpkin this Halloween that there is a child somewhere wishing that they could carve a pumpkin too. This thought may be sad, but just remember that you could maybe give them the chance to carve a pumpkin sometime in their future, cause maybe that's all they really need.
Each lesson has been fun and I know I have been trying to dive deeper so that I can lead, but it wasn't until today that I personally got really moved.
Today we carved pumpkins. We sat around a table and laughed and had an overall good time. We had Christian templates that we could carve on them and just had a fun time designing and emptying the pumpkins out. It wasn't until one of the girls mentioned she had never carved a pumpkin before is when it hit me.
She is 19yrs old and had missed out on something that I thought was very traditional. She mentioned her family just didn't have the money to purchase a pumpkin and was very excited she got to do this.
As she was saying this, I was just in complete shock. I just never really thought of someone not having enough money to buy a pumpkin to carve, but here she is at this group getting to enjoy her first carved pumpkin.
The true feelings didn't hit me until I was driving home from the church and just thinking a lot about this. Myself and my friend who helps me plan events just chose this cause we thought it would be fun and something traditional that everyone had done in their childhood. We weren't thinking about the idea of someone getting to experience something that they wanted to do when they were little.
It just really made me think that as young adults, we can actually make a difference in each others lives. Just by having events like carving pumpkins and having movie nights or game nights can totally help a person feel accepted and that people actually care about them.
I will be the first to admit that this group is a bit of a random group of people, but the more I have started to lead it, the more I feel like this is the perfect place for me. I honestly have no idea where everyone is on their walk, but I think that me just being there and having this group keep going is going to be the best purpose of all cause it causes the people who didn't necessarily fit into youth group have a group where they are cared about and missed if they don't show up.
So just remember when you are carving your pumpkin this Halloween that there is a child somewhere wishing that they could carve a pumpkin too. This thought may be sad, but just remember that you could maybe give them the chance to carve a pumpkin sometime in their future, cause maybe that's all they really need.
05 September 2010
That was weird...
Today was really a surreal type of day for me. I went to church and was really happy and have had a peaceful weekend. Now it gets really weird after the first service.
I go and lead the young adult group and we meet outside. We are all laughing about our weeks and just having an overall good time. It isn't until I go inside and help a friend named A with the media. A did the sound and I did the powerpoint. It's not until the children's moment when I notice I have some red bumps on my arm. So, I tell A that I'm going to be right back.
As the service progresses, my arms start to swell up with a rash and my legs do the same. My body starts to get warm in the area where the rash is and I start getting nervous. I had not touched anything and did nothing new.
A also was nervous so we decide to leave church and go to the ER. We sat at the ER for an hour and a half. During this time, my swelling and itching starts to go down. This was just very interesting because this rash which isn't a rash started healing before my eyes.
As of now, I have almost no signs of swelling or the rash. This whole thing started and ended quickly. I still don't understand why my arms and legs swelled the way they did and became itchy, but they did. I just find this whole instance quite odd.
But I will say this, I kept positive the whole time which leads me to the fact that this whole thing was slightly funny.
I go and lead the young adult group and we meet outside. We are all laughing about our weeks and just having an overall good time. It isn't until I go inside and help a friend named A with the media. A did the sound and I did the powerpoint. It's not until the children's moment when I notice I have some red bumps on my arm. So, I tell A that I'm going to be right back.
As the service progresses, my arms start to swell up with a rash and my legs do the same. My body starts to get warm in the area where the rash is and I start getting nervous. I had not touched anything and did nothing new.
A also was nervous so we decide to leave church and go to the ER. We sat at the ER for an hour and a half. During this time, my swelling and itching starts to go down. This was just very interesting because this rash which isn't a rash started healing before my eyes.
As of now, I have almost no signs of swelling or the rash. This whole thing started and ended quickly. I still don't understand why my arms and legs swelled the way they did and became itchy, but they did. I just find this whole instance quite odd.
But I will say this, I kept positive the whole time which leads me to the fact that this whole thing was slightly funny.
22 August 2010
Pressing the Reset Button
Tomorrow is my first day at the new university I am attending this year and I honestly have no idea how I am feeling. This year is a completely different year for me and I have no idea how to respond to it.
This is my second year of higher education, so it's not like I am nervous about going to classes or being lost. In fact, I feel pretty good about the campus and I sort of have a clue of where I am heading. I actually feel comfortable with the school and can breathe about going.
The only thing that is really concerning me is friends. Now I'm not going to be dramatic and say I feel lonely, because that is a lie. I know a handful of people that go to the university and I am looking at different organizations to become a part of. The friends that I am talking about are the friends at my old college.
I have kept in touch with some of my friends, but it won't feel the same without them being around me. I guess this is something that has been on my mind for a while and it is now being a dominant force in my mind. All day this thought has been bouncing around my head at how this year will be different since I will not be surrounded by the great group of friends I have already bonded with at many retreats and activities around campus.
I guess this can be good, but I honestly feel a little sadder than I did when I left my college on the last day of finals for me. It seems odd and I guess I have just let it festered this feeling inside of me and has caused me to become a little out of it.
I should be feeling total excitement about this new start, but I liked my old start at my other school. Do not get me wrong, I am truly excited for this change and all that lies ahead of me here at this new environment, it's just that I am a little emotional and a bit reminiscent of my first year of school.
This is just a new experience which will help me along the way. It is just another school, another place in another city that will introduce me to other friends and another life which will be about the same. The reset button is only partly true, for I am still me, it's just that the location is reset.
This is my second year of higher education, so it's not like I am nervous about going to classes or being lost. In fact, I feel pretty good about the campus and I sort of have a clue of where I am heading. I actually feel comfortable with the school and can breathe about going.
The only thing that is really concerning me is friends. Now I'm not going to be dramatic and say I feel lonely, because that is a lie. I know a handful of people that go to the university and I am looking at different organizations to become a part of. The friends that I am talking about are the friends at my old college.
I have kept in touch with some of my friends, but it won't feel the same without them being around me. I guess this is something that has been on my mind for a while and it is now being a dominant force in my mind. All day this thought has been bouncing around my head at how this year will be different since I will not be surrounded by the great group of friends I have already bonded with at many retreats and activities around campus.
I guess this can be good, but I honestly feel a little sadder than I did when I left my college on the last day of finals for me. It seems odd and I guess I have just let it festered this feeling inside of me and has caused me to become a little out of it.
I should be feeling total excitement about this new start, but I liked my old start at my other school. Do not get me wrong, I am truly excited for this change and all that lies ahead of me here at this new environment, it's just that I am a little emotional and a bit reminiscent of my first year of school.
This is just a new experience which will help me along the way. It is just another school, another place in another city that will introduce me to other friends and another life which will be about the same. The reset button is only partly true, for I am still me, it's just that the location is reset.
02 August 2010
Thinking and Reading... What a Dangerous Combination
So I have started reading a new book this week and it is causing me to really dig deep in what I actually believe. See, this summer has been an interesting one because nothing too big has happened to me I have just been trying to keep in touch with friends, visiting friends and family and mostly hanging out around the house. Nothing too big has affected my life. It has been very low key, which is never a bad thing.
The only thing that has been lacking is my relationship with Christ. It's not like I have fallen away, it's just I have not been challenged at all unlike school. It's very much like I have just been going through the motions every day and nothing is really moving me.
Well this all change when I read a book entitled "Imaginary Jesus." This book is a not-quite so true tale and it was a good read that brought out some good points. I enjoyed and told many people about it, but this was not the book that got me thinking. I then started reading a book entitled "Sex God" by Rob Bell.
I had honestly never read anything by Rob Bell, but have been told many good things about him. I had watched several of his Nooma videos and have even lead a group about one of them, so I decided to give it a shot.
I really do recommend reading "Sex God" because the points are really good. It puts a Christian perspective on Sex, which God did create which means sex is good and I honestly think that the church sometimes forgets this.
I have just recently finished this book and have started another book by Rob Bell. Now this is the book that has revived my walk of faith. "Velvet Elvis" has really made me question so much about my faith and everything with the Bible and I just am on chapter 3!
This book really has surprised me with how he presents many topics of the Bible and how he even says that it is okay to question. I have always questioned certain things about faith, but I think that we forget that many of the people(who were just like us; imperfect, sinful and loved by God) God used question if God knew what He was doing. They doubted his plan and questioned!! To me this is important because I personally feel that if you question, then people look down on you.
Instead, if I question I have the opportunity to learn more, which at the end of the day is the best. I do not need to have all the answers nor will anyone else have all the answers because there is only one God. Our minds cannot conceive any of God's plans because they are too great.
Reading and Thinking have helped me find my path again and it feels wonderful.
The only thing that has been lacking is my relationship with Christ. It's not like I have fallen away, it's just I have not been challenged at all unlike school. It's very much like I have just been going through the motions every day and nothing is really moving me.
Well this all change when I read a book entitled "Imaginary Jesus." This book is a not-quite so true tale and it was a good read that brought out some good points. I enjoyed and told many people about it, but this was not the book that got me thinking. I then started reading a book entitled "Sex God" by Rob Bell.
I had honestly never read anything by Rob Bell, but have been told many good things about him. I had watched several of his Nooma videos and have even lead a group about one of them, so I decided to give it a shot.
I really do recommend reading "Sex God" because the points are really good. It puts a Christian perspective on Sex, which God did create which means sex is good and I honestly think that the church sometimes forgets this.
I have just recently finished this book and have started another book by Rob Bell. Now this is the book that has revived my walk of faith. "Velvet Elvis" has really made me question so much about my faith and everything with the Bible and I just am on chapter 3!
This book really has surprised me with how he presents many topics of the Bible and how he even says that it is okay to question. I have always questioned certain things about faith, but I think that we forget that many of the people(who were just like us; imperfect, sinful and loved by God) God used question if God knew what He was doing. They doubted his plan and questioned!! To me this is important because I personally feel that if you question, then people look down on you.
Instead, if I question I have the opportunity to learn more, which at the end of the day is the best. I do not need to have all the answers nor will anyone else have all the answers because there is only one God. Our minds cannot conceive any of God's plans because they are too great.
Reading and Thinking have helped me find my path again and it feels wonderful.
14 July 2010
Not so perfect Disney love
So once again I am watching a Disney movie, specifically "The Little Mermaid." I'm watching it because I honestly have nothing else to do, plus Ursula is one of my favorite Disney villains.
But watching this movie got me thinking. Most Classic animated Disney movies that include a princess do not have both parents. Think about, Cinderella(step-mom), Ariel(Dad), Belle(Dad), Sleeping Beauty(got sent away and raised by someone else), Snow White(Step-mom),Jasmine(Dad) and if you also include Pocahontas(Dad). Even in the newest Disney movie, "The Princess and the Frog," her father is no longer living.
Most Disney movies have single parents and I honestly find that interesting. The only family that could be included as a family is in "Mulan," but even Mulan ran away from home.
This really does surprise me because we claim that all the Disney are great with the value, but the families are never really whole and the love that they gain might not always be the truest.
Think about it, Ariel was SIXTEEN when she met Eric and married him. If I'm not mistaken, Sleeping Beauty was the same age and married him cause of the true love first kiss thing. Snow White had the same thing that Sleeping Beauty had.
Jasmine and Belle are the only ones who fell for their princes by getting to know them. Belle fell in love with a beast and hesitated when he turned back to normal.
I love Disney Movies, don't get me wrong, but Disney has really skewed our vision of what a family and true love is. I still will watch them and one day show them to my children, but it's just fascinating that our perfect view is not so perfect.
This really reminds me of a scene from one of my favorite movies. These two 12yr old girls discuss how life is not fair, but it's not even fair in the television shows that they love. No family is perfect and apparently this is true in the wonderful world of Disney.
But watching this movie got me thinking. Most Classic animated Disney movies that include a princess do not have both parents. Think about, Cinderella(step-mom), Ariel(Dad), Belle(Dad), Sleeping Beauty(got sent away and raised by someone else), Snow White(Step-mom),Jasmine(Dad) and if you also include Pocahontas(Dad). Even in the newest Disney movie, "The Princess and the Frog," her father is no longer living.
Most Disney movies have single parents and I honestly find that interesting. The only family that could be included as a family is in "Mulan," but even Mulan ran away from home.
This really does surprise me because we claim that all the Disney are great with the value, but the families are never really whole and the love that they gain might not always be the truest.
Think about it, Ariel was SIXTEEN when she met Eric and married him. If I'm not mistaken, Sleeping Beauty was the same age and married him cause of the true love first kiss thing. Snow White had the same thing that Sleeping Beauty had.
Jasmine and Belle are the only ones who fell for their princes by getting to know them. Belle fell in love with a beast and hesitated when he turned back to normal.
I love Disney Movies, don't get me wrong, but Disney has really skewed our vision of what a family and true love is. I still will watch them and one day show them to my children, but it's just fascinating that our perfect view is not so perfect.
This really reminds me of a scene from one of my favorite movies. These two 12yr old girls discuss how life is not fair, but it's not even fair in the television shows that they love. No family is perfect and apparently this is true in the wonderful world of Disney.
25 June 2010
Smashing Change
I haven't recently written in this wonderful blogging world, since, well, I have been very busy with life and all that my life entails.
Overall, my summer has been a typical summer with trying to find a job, swimming, tanning and the late night movie watching. I have enjoyed all of these activities because they are all relaxing even if they do take a lot of energy.
This might get you thinking why the title is "Smashing Change." It seems as if I have had no real change other than getting ready to adapt to a new school, but I have had an experience which has made me enjoy life a lot more, but has also put a tremendous fear in my life.
I, like many other young drivers turned statistics, got in a car crash. It was all my fault, and I admitted it even when it first happened. The car was completely totaled and well, it was not fun to tell my parents that. But I was able to walk out of it alright with nothing wrong.
Now the lesson I learned was to be a safer driver, but the bigger lesson was that I am not invincible.
There are so many times in my life that I feel as if I can overcome any obstacle or go through anything. Now, there are certain things I can overcome, but it was lucky that I came out of a car wreck with no injuries. I cannot even show how thankful I am to God that this was the case, but I also feel as if it was a lesson from Him that I cannot do things on my own.
I cannot rely on my own doings to make my life the way I want it. I also cannot determine my fate and be thoughtless with my actions. There are times that I could be in danger, but with my lack of self awareness could cause me to get into even more trouble.
Now the smashing change is that the fear of letting go and giving it to God is always difficult, but after an event like that, one can actually understand the whole point of only God is in control.
While spinning around in a vehicle after getting hit, all a person can do is pray and He is the only one who can help.
It's a little intimidating, a little bash at the Christian-ego, and a reassurance that He is always there.
I honestly have no idea if this post makes any sense, but I hope that one day this smashing change will come to you just not like it came to me.
Overall, my summer has been a typical summer with trying to find a job, swimming, tanning and the late night movie watching. I have enjoyed all of these activities because they are all relaxing even if they do take a lot of energy.
This might get you thinking why the title is "Smashing Change." It seems as if I have had no real change other than getting ready to adapt to a new school, but I have had an experience which has made me enjoy life a lot more, but has also put a tremendous fear in my life.
I, like many other young drivers turned statistics, got in a car crash. It was all my fault, and I admitted it even when it first happened. The car was completely totaled and well, it was not fun to tell my parents that. But I was able to walk out of it alright with nothing wrong.
Now the lesson I learned was to be a safer driver, but the bigger lesson was that I am not invincible.
There are so many times in my life that I feel as if I can overcome any obstacle or go through anything. Now, there are certain things I can overcome, but it was lucky that I came out of a car wreck with no injuries. I cannot even show how thankful I am to God that this was the case, but I also feel as if it was a lesson from Him that I cannot do things on my own.
I cannot rely on my own doings to make my life the way I want it. I also cannot determine my fate and be thoughtless with my actions. There are times that I could be in danger, but with my lack of self awareness could cause me to get into even more trouble.
Now the smashing change is that the fear of letting go and giving it to God is always difficult, but after an event like that, one can actually understand the whole point of only God is in control.
While spinning around in a vehicle after getting hit, all a person can do is pray and He is the only one who can help.
It's a little intimidating, a little bash at the Christian-ego, and a reassurance that He is always there.
I honestly have no idea if this post makes any sense, but I hope that one day this smashing change will come to you just not like it came to me.
17 May 2010
Feeling Inspired
So I wrote this poem a few weeks ago and thought I should post it somewhere and this is the perfect place. It is entitled "Smashing the Mirror." Hope you enjoy.
My biggest fear
My worst nightmare
Is my mirror
Just like the one is Snow White
It tells me a truth
Which in all sense
Are lies
I catch myself gazing
And staring at me
Wondering
If this reflection is me
I laughed when I heard
You reflection is your soul
How can this be
Cause that ain’t me
If it were
I’d be broken and scared
And grasping for air
But in all reality
That is me
But that’s only skin deep
And all a mirror can show
But if you look in my eyes
Then you’ll really know
My soul is screaming and shouting
For something to do
It’s on fire
Let’s bring change to you
My soul is standing on a mountaintop
Arms held wide
Taking that jump
And you’ll soon know why
I’m ready for change
And my soul knows that
It’s just
My mind doesn’t feel that
My mind controls the eyes
Which help me see the lies
But if you know the soul
You know where to go
So that mirror
That held me back
Is broken
Cause my soul saw past that
My biggest fear
My worst nightmare
Is my mirror
Just like the one is Snow White
It tells me a truth
Which in all sense
Are lies
I catch myself gazing
And staring at me
Wondering
If this reflection is me
I laughed when I heard
You reflection is your soul
How can this be
Cause that ain’t me
If it were
I’d be broken and scared
And grasping for air
But in all reality
That is me
But that’s only skin deep
And all a mirror can show
But if you look in my eyes
Then you’ll really know
My soul is screaming and shouting
For something to do
It’s on fire
Let’s bring change to you
My soul is standing on a mountaintop
Arms held wide
Taking that jump
And you’ll soon know why
I’m ready for change
And my soul knows that
It’s just
My mind doesn’t feel that
My mind controls the eyes
Which help me see the lies
But if you know the soul
You know where to go
So that mirror
That held me back
Is broken
Cause my soul saw past that
27 April 2010
The Silent Call
A friend of mine asked me to speak to her about our weekly prayer meetings. She had heard that I had some opinions and she wanted to talk them over. I personally was freak out cause even though I scream for change inside, I really fear being the leader of it.
I talked to my friend for an hour last night and it was awesome! So we decided to go to some of the leaders of the entire organization(remember, we just started on the prayer meeting). That took another hour or so and that was amazing too.
Now resulting from that, I was asked to lead the prayer meeting this week, which happens to be tonight(I was asked around 12:30am whether I would lead it). I am extremely nervous about all of this and I don't really understand how some of the words came out of my mouth last night(That was really a God thing).
So my entire notion of how things need to change is finally here and I'm really nervous about being the one that needs to start the spark. But at the same time, I feel as if this is the reason why I am here at this college. This has been my purpose this entire time and I'm sick of feeling self-pity and anger and all these things that shouldn't matter in life. I'm really letting go. God has a plan for me and I'm giving it completely to Him. I am at the point where I do not care if I get scrutinized by people, because I'm listening to God. Let's stop being lukewarm Christians and let's get fired up for Christ!
Check this out:
http://vimeo.com/6399822
I talked to my friend for an hour last night and it was awesome! So we decided to go to some of the leaders of the entire organization(remember, we just started on the prayer meeting). That took another hour or so and that was amazing too.
Now resulting from that, I was asked to lead the prayer meeting this week, which happens to be tonight(I was asked around 12:30am whether I would lead it). I am extremely nervous about all of this and I don't really understand how some of the words came out of my mouth last night(That was really a God thing).
So my entire notion of how things need to change is finally here and I'm really nervous about being the one that needs to start the spark. But at the same time, I feel as if this is the reason why I am here at this college. This has been my purpose this entire time and I'm sick of feeling self-pity and anger and all these things that shouldn't matter in life. I'm really letting go. God has a plan for me and I'm giving it completely to Him. I am at the point where I do not care if I get scrutinized by people, because I'm listening to God. Let's stop being lukewarm Christians and let's get fired up for Christ!
Check this out:
http://vimeo.com/6399822
14 April 2010
Detached?
So, I got accepted into my new university and have been very excited about it all. Now, I have been worried about the whole detaching thing(Because it seems to be a thing I do when I leave) and I haven't been doing that.
The only bad thing is, I feel as if others are detaching from me and thus leaving me alone. This could possibly just be in my head or it could be a reality. I cannot decide. It's just difficult if you don't know if someone is angry at you, detaching from you or is just having one of those days.
It's this type of drama that I honestly want to avoid for my last quarter and part of the reason on why I am heading home most weekends. I just know that I can only handle so much of this type of drama and I don't want this to be my last memory. I just hope all gets changed or at least becomes bearable.
The only bad thing is, I feel as if others are detaching from me and thus leaving me alone. This could possibly just be in my head or it could be a reality. I cannot decide. It's just difficult if you don't know if someone is angry at you, detaching from you or is just having one of those days.
It's this type of drama that I honestly want to avoid for my last quarter and part of the reason on why I am heading home most weekends. I just know that I can only handle so much of this type of drama and I don't want this to be my last memory. I just hope all gets changed or at least becomes bearable.
07 April 2010
Movie Nights
So the last couple of days, my roommate has been putting in different movies at night. Now I am in no way complaining since I love all the movies that have been played. They have been mostly Disney(which I need to proclaim is pretty awesome!).
Now with this leads me to the last one we have watched which literally finished 20min ago. It was Peter Pan and I must admit that I have always loved the idea of Peter Pan. A boy who doesn't grow up and is able to play all day long and have adventures! What could be better than that!?!
But of course like what Wendy says near the end of every version is that they must return to grow up. Some things you cannot understand until you grow up and that was her point. She knew they needed to grow up because there is more to life.
For the longest time I wished I could go to Neverland(what kid didn't want to go there), but now as I have grown up a bit and am making life decisions, I still wish I could go. I guess at a certain point in time everyone reaches a point when they just want to go back in time to be a kid again. Life seemed so much easier back then. But like what Wendy says, we have to grow up, but I don't think we need to completely grow up. I think we need to grow up a lot, but keep the imagination alive. We need to keep that childlike excitement or we become boring.
Well, that's it. Now it's time for me to travel to the second star to the right.
Now with this leads me to the last one we have watched which literally finished 20min ago. It was Peter Pan and I must admit that I have always loved the idea of Peter Pan. A boy who doesn't grow up and is able to play all day long and have adventures! What could be better than that!?!
But of course like what Wendy says near the end of every version is that they must return to grow up. Some things you cannot understand until you grow up and that was her point. She knew they needed to grow up because there is more to life.
For the longest time I wished I could go to Neverland(what kid didn't want to go there), but now as I have grown up a bit and am making life decisions, I still wish I could go. I guess at a certain point in time everyone reaches a point when they just want to go back in time to be a kid again. Life seemed so much easier back then. But like what Wendy says, we have to grow up, but I don't think we need to completely grow up. I think we need to grow up a lot, but keep the imagination alive. We need to keep that childlike excitement or we become boring.
Well, that's it. Now it's time for me to travel to the second star to the right.
28 March 2010
Surreal
So this is an odd moment for me and it's because I am at a point of realization. This is my last quarter at the college I am attending. I literally have 10 weeks and then I am done.
Now I am excited because I get to attended a different University and the program there is spectacular. It's just that I am feeling a little torn at the moment. Not that I am reconsidering the transfer(it would be a huge mistake if I stayed), but about friendships. I have made some of the greatest friends in the world and in this 10 week period will be my time to say goodbye. That is the surreal thing.
I can't believe this time has finally come. I know I won't be saying goodbye forever, but saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to ever do.
I believe I am making the best decision in the world about transferring because every time I talk about it my heart starts to race and I become unbelievably happy. That's why it's really hard as well. That's why I am feeling torn at the moment. It will get better as the quarter goes on because of the friendships becoming better, the feeling of completion will be drawing near and then the completion of the quarter which will come quicker than I even know. This is a surreal moment for me because what to come is completely on my mind.
Now I am excited because I get to attended a different University and the program there is spectacular. It's just that I am feeling a little torn at the moment. Not that I am reconsidering the transfer(it would be a huge mistake if I stayed), but about friendships. I have made some of the greatest friends in the world and in this 10 week period will be my time to say goodbye. That is the surreal thing.
I can't believe this time has finally come. I know I won't be saying goodbye forever, but saying goodbye is one of the hardest things to ever do.
I believe I am making the best decision in the world about transferring because every time I talk about it my heart starts to race and I become unbelievably happy. That's why it's really hard as well. That's why I am feeling torn at the moment. It will get better as the quarter goes on because of the friendships becoming better, the feeling of completion will be drawing near and then the completion of the quarter which will come quicker than I even know. This is a surreal moment for me because what to come is completely on my mind.
09 March 2010
Running with Christ
Today at nine o'clock in the morning, I went running with a friend of mine. We are both training to run a half-marathon in May and we were both excited about the beautiful weather that we have been having so we decided to run outside.
Even at 9am, the weather was great! The sun was shinning and it seemed like a beautiful spring day. It wasn't until the 3rd mile when I made the comment "Pain is weakness leaving the body."
Well, my friend disagreed with my comment(I hope she would. She's planning on being a doctor). But I came back and said, but it really is true.
Here's my reasoning:
Personally, when I run I am able to get into a deeper spiritual connection with Christ then I am able to do in any other place. My mind is focused and I am able to really appreciate all that surrounds me. I become more thankful for some of the simple pleasures that God gives us and this distracts me if I feel any pain. When I do feel any pain or anger, I just run to relieve myself from anything. I try to push it out of my body. My pain that I feel is my weakness(anger, turmoil, sin) that is released out of my soul to Christ who is able to take it from me.
While running, I am able to feel a peace. When running, I feel as if my soul becomes free and is released from any pain.
While feeling free from pain, I know it's just like the same feeling as I am worshiping in church. This feeling is great and brings one closer to Christ. Getting near the end of the course, you sometimes feel as if you can't finish, but just like one's Christian walk, Christ helps you through.
That's what I said to my friend as we finished our run and marveling at the beauty of the day.
Even at 9am, the weather was great! The sun was shinning and it seemed like a beautiful spring day. It wasn't until the 3rd mile when I made the comment "Pain is weakness leaving the body."
Well, my friend disagreed with my comment(I hope she would. She's planning on being a doctor). But I came back and said, but it really is true.
Here's my reasoning:
Personally, when I run I am able to get into a deeper spiritual connection with Christ then I am able to do in any other place. My mind is focused and I am able to really appreciate all that surrounds me. I become more thankful for some of the simple pleasures that God gives us and this distracts me if I feel any pain. When I do feel any pain or anger, I just run to relieve myself from anything. I try to push it out of my body. My pain that I feel is my weakness(anger, turmoil, sin) that is released out of my soul to Christ who is able to take it from me.
While running, I am able to feel a peace. When running, I feel as if my soul becomes free and is released from any pain.
While feeling free from pain, I know it's just like the same feeling as I am worshiping in church. This feeling is great and brings one closer to Christ. Getting near the end of the course, you sometimes feel as if you can't finish, but just like one's Christian walk, Christ helps you through.
That's what I said to my friend as we finished our run and marveling at the beauty of the day.
05 March 2010
Random Sunny Days
So, apparently this first week of March has been a good one. It has been very spiritual, which I don't mind, and eye opening. I guess it all started on Sunday at church. The pastor was speaking about the blind man in John chapter 9 and brought up a very good point about it.
The blind man wasn't blind with his vision, but he was blind to the truth. When Jesus gave him his sight, well, he was able to see both literally and spiritually. He was no longer incomplete. but growing towards completion. I personally thought that this was awesome and realized that I have spots in my life where I am blind.
Now, here comes the part that I really like. The pastor said that we need to get out pf the darkness (our blindness) and get into the light. Once we get into the light, then our lives will feel more complete. They will not be perfect, but God will be there to help you since you are open for His help. All we need to do is step into the light.
Living in Ohio, you don't really get the chance to step in the literal sense of a light. Apparently this state does not like to have sunshine sometimes. Well, yesterday the sun was out and I swear the day was better because of it. A lot more people were outside trying to get into the light and to change from the dark winter to a brighter spring.
This leads me back to the blind man. If people love going out and stepping into the sun light, why is it so hard to actually follow the son? The sun gives us a temporary joy until one of the clouds blocks its rays for a little bit of time. But the Son never has anything blocking it from coming to you, except yourself. The sun gives warmth and some joy. The Son eternally gives you warmth, love, joy and protection.
I feel as if we need to step into the light more often so our lives can be changed. The beauty of the sun will one day pass, but the Son is eternal and will give us so much light that even the darkest place will not be dark, because He is there.
The blind man wasn't blind with his vision, but he was blind to the truth. When Jesus gave him his sight, well, he was able to see both literally and spiritually. He was no longer incomplete. but growing towards completion. I personally thought that this was awesome and realized that I have spots in my life where I am blind.
Now, here comes the part that I really like. The pastor said that we need to get out pf the darkness (our blindness) and get into the light. Once we get into the light, then our lives will feel more complete. They will not be perfect, but God will be there to help you since you are open for His help. All we need to do is step into the light.
Living in Ohio, you don't really get the chance to step in the literal sense of a light. Apparently this state does not like to have sunshine sometimes. Well, yesterday the sun was out and I swear the day was better because of it. A lot more people were outside trying to get into the light and to change from the dark winter to a brighter spring.
This leads me back to the blind man. If people love going out and stepping into the sun light, why is it so hard to actually follow the son? The sun gives us a temporary joy until one of the clouds blocks its rays for a little bit of time. But the Son never has anything blocking it from coming to you, except yourself. The sun gives warmth and some joy. The Son eternally gives you warmth, love, joy and protection.
I feel as if we need to step into the light more often so our lives can be changed. The beauty of the sun will one day pass, but the Son is eternal and will give us so much light that even the darkest place will not be dark, because He is there.
22 February 2010
The Paper
So I am currently enrolled in an English course here at school. Some of the days are more enjoyable then others, but overall it is an interesting course.
The course this quarter is all about depressing topics, which I don't necessarily like since it is the winter. Also, reading about depressing topics on gloomy gray days is not good for one's emotional stability.
Anyway, the paper. This section that we are on is on trauma and the unsaid. We had to read a graphic novel called "Maus" which I highly recommend. The book is a biography of a survivor of the Holocaust and it makes one look at this time period in a different way then ever before. I personally think that it makes it more realistic.
But once again, the paper. For some odd reason this graphic novel reminded me of my grandfather's story and inspired me to write a paper on him. At first this just seemed like a simple thing to do since I knew a lot about him. Then today, after the meeting I had with my professor about my topic, I realized how much I had left unsaid about my grandfather and his death.
This once paper that I thought was going to be simple is now turning into something that makes me want to honor him, even though I sometimes didn't feel a connection with him. I shall forever love my grandfather but this paper will lay my trauma and the unsaid in my life to sleep. This paper is to honor him and to release him from me.
The course this quarter is all about depressing topics, which I don't necessarily like since it is the winter. Also, reading about depressing topics on gloomy gray days is not good for one's emotional stability.
Anyway, the paper. This section that we are on is on trauma and the unsaid. We had to read a graphic novel called "Maus" which I highly recommend. The book is a biography of a survivor of the Holocaust and it makes one look at this time period in a different way then ever before. I personally think that it makes it more realistic.
But once again, the paper. For some odd reason this graphic novel reminded me of my grandfather's story and inspired me to write a paper on him. At first this just seemed like a simple thing to do since I knew a lot about him. Then today, after the meeting I had with my professor about my topic, I realized how much I had left unsaid about my grandfather and his death.
This once paper that I thought was going to be simple is now turning into something that makes me want to honor him, even though I sometimes didn't feel a connection with him. I shall forever love my grandfather but this paper will lay my trauma and the unsaid in my life to sleep. This paper is to honor him and to release him from me.
15 February 2010
Foolishness soon turns into some type of Wisdom
From the title of this post, one would think that I am once again going to rant about something or someone who is annoying or frustrating me. In a way this is true, but probably not what you are thinking. The person I am saying is foolish is myself.
The way I have been acting and the negative attitude I have had for the past week just sickens me to death. I should be maturing, yet I am acting as if I have never faced anything difficult before in my life. This act of holding grudges, hating people, not forgiving people and especially not loving people is not acceptable. This type of action is what I try to avoid, yet I go running right towards it. It is so much easier in life to dislike people than to love them.
It says all over in the Bible to love others. In every chapter it mentions the word "love." Believe me, I've been noticing a trend with this thing called love. Not just love like loving a spouse or a person you are in a relationship, but the type of love that you are supposed to share with everyone.
Our job here on earth is not just to be an example by being nice, but we need to take action. We really need to do something with our lives and not just keep this to ourselves. In the book of Titus, it kind of spells it out in a way that might not be straight forward, but makes complete sense with it. Titus 2:11-14 say
"God's readiness to give and forgive is now public. Salvation's available for everyone! We're being shown how to turn our backs on a godless, indulgent life, and how to take on a God-filled, God-honoring life. This new life is starting right now, and is whetting our appetites for the glorious day when our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, appears. He offered himself as a sacrifice to free us from a dark, rebellious life into this good, pure life, making us a people he can be proud of, energetic in goodness."
If God suffered, then why do we complain when we suffer? God took all the real pain away and we can't even image all the pain and suffering he must of went through on the cross. He didn't have to do this for us but He LOVED us that much.
If you feel as you are suffering, then you should still glorify God, because suffering will be over. 1 Peter 3 speaks about this topic.
It says:
If with heart and soul you're doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you're still better off. Don't give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They'll end up realizing that they're the ones who need a bath. It's better to suffer for doing good, if that's what God wants, than to be punished for doing bad. That's what Christ did definitively: suffered because of others' sins, the Righteous One for the unrighteous ones. He went through it all—was put to death and then made alive—to bring us to God.
Just a couple days before the season of Lent start, we should really think about how we have been acting so far this year. This Lenten season might be the thing that can forever change your life. Don't just give up something just for show, because you have lost the point of it all. Give something up that is a type of god in your life. Giving that up will open up some space for you to try to get a deeper relationship with God.
I have been foolish these past few weeks by falling away from God, but yearning to grow close. The revelation has come for me and the change is slowly beginning again, but what about your relationship with Christ? Do you show Him the same type of Love He shows you? Do you really want to grow deeper with God during this season or is this just one of those "typical religious practices?" If that is what you think it is, then I'm sorry, because you need to get over that thought. You need to take off that religious mask and show your true identity in Christ, because when you do, the feeling is unexplainable.
The way I have been acting and the negative attitude I have had for the past week just sickens me to death. I should be maturing, yet I am acting as if I have never faced anything difficult before in my life. This act of holding grudges, hating people, not forgiving people and especially not loving people is not acceptable. This type of action is what I try to avoid, yet I go running right towards it. It is so much easier in life to dislike people than to love them.
It says all over in the Bible to love others. In every chapter it mentions the word "love." Believe me, I've been noticing a trend with this thing called love. Not just love like loving a spouse or a person you are in a relationship, but the type of love that you are supposed to share with everyone.
Our job here on earth is not just to be an example by being nice, but we need to take action. We really need to do something with our lives and not just keep this to ourselves. In the book of Titus, it kind of spells it out in a way that might not be straight forward, but makes complete sense with it. Titus 2:11-14 say
"God's readiness to give and forgive is now public. Salvation's available for everyone! We're being shown how to turn our backs on a godless, indulgent life, and how to take on a God-filled, God-honoring life. This new life is starting right now, and is whetting our appetites for the glorious day when our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, appears. He offered himself as a sacrifice to free us from a dark, rebellious life into this good, pure life, making us a people he can be proud of, energetic in goodness."
If God suffered, then why do we complain when we suffer? God took all the real pain away and we can't even image all the pain and suffering he must of went through on the cross. He didn't have to do this for us but He LOVED us that much.
If you feel as you are suffering, then you should still glorify God, because suffering will be over. 1 Peter 3 speaks about this topic.
It says:
If with heart and soul you're doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you're still better off. Don't give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you're living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They'll end up realizing that they're the ones who need a bath. It's better to suffer for doing good, if that's what God wants, than to be punished for doing bad. That's what Christ did definitively: suffered because of others' sins, the Righteous One for the unrighteous ones. He went through it all—was put to death and then made alive—to bring us to God.
Just a couple days before the season of Lent start, we should really think about how we have been acting so far this year. This Lenten season might be the thing that can forever change your life. Don't just give up something just for show, because you have lost the point of it all. Give something up that is a type of god in your life. Giving that up will open up some space for you to try to get a deeper relationship with God.
I have been foolish these past few weeks by falling away from God, but yearning to grow close. The revelation has come for me and the change is slowly beginning again, but what about your relationship with Christ? Do you show Him the same type of Love He shows you? Do you really want to grow deeper with God during this season or is this just one of those "typical religious practices?" If that is what you think it is, then I'm sorry, because you need to get over that thought. You need to take off that religious mask and show your true identity in Christ, because when you do, the feeling is unexplainable.
13 February 2010
Some people are overrated
So my past two blogs or so have been complete angst which I will admit is annoying, but this one is not going to be positive either.
What this one is going to be on how people are very much overrated. Now, not all people are, but there is a group of people in my life who I feel as if they don't even know who I am even though they hang out with me all the time. For some odd reason now, they all annoy me because of their foul mouths and horrible judgments and cruel jokes.
None of these things are appealing to me and I'm getting sick of it all. I feel as if I need to yell out and say get out! You are terrible people who only think of yourselves and no one else. Have you ever thought that your actions hurt people? Has a thought like that ever crossed your mind?
I'm guessing the answer to that is no, since you would not be acting this way if it had.
I not perfect and will admit it completely, but this is ridicules. This way of acting is meant for junior highers, but even some of them are better behaved then they are. I feel as if some people's judgments of this generation is true. Maybe we are big foolish people who will ruin the world. So here's a toast for this generation for screwing up the world. Well, not everyone, only this small group who are ignorant fools. Here's a toast to them who really need to jump off a cliff. Let's hope they do soon.
What this one is going to be on how people are very much overrated. Now, not all people are, but there is a group of people in my life who I feel as if they don't even know who I am even though they hang out with me all the time. For some odd reason now, they all annoy me because of their foul mouths and horrible judgments and cruel jokes.
None of these things are appealing to me and I'm getting sick of it all. I feel as if I need to yell out and say get out! You are terrible people who only think of yourselves and no one else. Have you ever thought that your actions hurt people? Has a thought like that ever crossed your mind?
I'm guessing the answer to that is no, since you would not be acting this way if it had.
I not perfect and will admit it completely, but this is ridicules. This way of acting is meant for junior highers, but even some of them are better behaved then they are. I feel as if some people's judgments of this generation is true. Maybe we are big foolish people who will ruin the world. So here's a toast for this generation for screwing up the world. Well, not everyone, only this small group who are ignorant fools. Here's a toast to them who really need to jump off a cliff. Let's hope they do soon.
11 February 2010
Secrets
If one can tell, I like to hide secrets from people. That's why I have this blog so I can vent and I have a personal journal where all of my thoughts are written. I don't mean to be secretive, but I just can't trust all people.
If you talk too loud,judgmental and have an opinion on everything, then I'm not going to share anything with you. You are not a trustworthy person in my mind. I don't need to tell everybody everything about my life. I tell people I know won't hurt me with it.
To all whom I don't share things with, it's because I feel as if you will use my past to hurt me. I'm sorry this may offend, but you offend me with your cruel words and your constant use of sexual innuendos and thinking it's funny.
Painful words were the main reason why I started to feel pain in my life, so why would I ever tell someone who does this exact thing to other people. They are like the same people who caused to cry every night when I was in junior high.
I keep secrets so when I actually meet a person I can trust, I can tell them. I don't trust all people at all. From what I've witnessed, a lot of people use information for their own use. It's really hard to find someone to trust, but when you do, keep them close.
If you talk too loud,judgmental and have an opinion on everything, then I'm not going to share anything with you. You are not a trustworthy person in my mind. I don't need to tell everybody everything about my life. I tell people I know won't hurt me with it.
To all whom I don't share things with, it's because I feel as if you will use my past to hurt me. I'm sorry this may offend, but you offend me with your cruel words and your constant use of sexual innuendos and thinking it's funny.
Painful words were the main reason why I started to feel pain in my life, so why would I ever tell someone who does this exact thing to other people. They are like the same people who caused to cry every night when I was in junior high.
I keep secrets so when I actually meet a person I can trust, I can tell them. I don't trust all people at all. From what I've witnessed, a lot of people use information for their own use. It's really hard to find someone to trust, but when you do, keep them close.
04 February 2010
Annoyance
A couple weeks ago I felt numb, but now a new feeling has overcome me. The feeling of annoyance. This feeling is not fun at all, in fact it causes great anger and the idea of telling people to go jump off a cliff.
As you might know, I'm transferring to a new school in the fall, but at a certain point I wish I would have done it sooner. I have come to the realization that at a point, the school you are attending cause you to live in a bubble, especially if this school is small. It's just a load of crap and at times you feel as if you are not actually growing and maturing in the way you want to.
I look around at some of my peers and notice the lack of maturity and then there are the others with much greater maturity. So, what do you do if the people you usually hang out with are the ones who lack the maturity and say some of the dumbest things in the world. It gets annoying and well, you just deal with them. You don't say anything to them, because you know it would be negative and at the end of the day not worth it. Why start a debate when you know it won't have a productive ending. It's just pointless.
This rant now leads me to the excitement of leaving the college I am attending. I can't wait for the larger experience and the larger university, since you won't feel like you know everyone around you and the smallness really does make a difference. It changes the way you think. I'm ready for the change, because it really is annoying me.
As you might know, I'm transferring to a new school in the fall, but at a certain point I wish I would have done it sooner. I have come to the realization that at a point, the school you are attending cause you to live in a bubble, especially if this school is small. It's just a load of crap and at times you feel as if you are not actually growing and maturing in the way you want to.
I look around at some of my peers and notice the lack of maturity and then there are the others with much greater maturity. So, what do you do if the people you usually hang out with are the ones who lack the maturity and say some of the dumbest things in the world. It gets annoying and well, you just deal with them. You don't say anything to them, because you know it would be negative and at the end of the day not worth it. Why start a debate when you know it won't have a productive ending. It's just pointless.
This rant now leads me to the excitement of leaving the college I am attending. I can't wait for the larger experience and the larger university, since you won't feel like you know everyone around you and the smallness really does make a difference. It changes the way you think. I'm ready for the change, because it really is annoying me.
23 January 2010
Numb
So at times one thinks all is well and everything is going the way it should. Then all of a sudden, a new feeling comes about. A bit of reality comes out of the dark corner it was hiding in and hits like no other.
It's no surprise that one should go through times like this, because things like this happen all the time. One is able to keep the truth out of the mind until it pops back in with a raging force. And when this time does arise, well, believe me, it's not good. You just sit there with this look in your eyes and people question whether you are okay.
Of course you don't want anyone to worry about you so you say you are just tired because the past week was long.
Now, once this thought, idea, the truth is in your head, it will not leave. This causes a very strange shock to the person. It puts part of your heart in this numbing mood and the other half is just crying for the numbing to stop. It causes distress on the person and the wish that all will be well.
Now, I usually have a question or something like that in these entries so I shall put it in now. How do you get the numbing feeling to go away?
Well, you can do one of two things:
1. Let the numbing feeling overtake you and feel no more. Lose yourself completely and in all sense give-up.
or
2. Share with someone what you are feeling and hopefully work it out.
The second suggestion sounds the best, but how easy is it to share that you feel numb and at the same time feel as this emotion. To me, it sounds quite absurd, yet understandable. I wonder if this is what happens when reality truly hits and the realization of things come in. Maybe one is supposed to feel numb, but then how are we whole? Is anyone ever really whole? Maybe the numbing that we get turns us into the people we really are. Or do we like the numbness because it hides us from the truth? I don't know, but I hate this numb feeling.
It's no surprise that one should go through times like this, because things like this happen all the time. One is able to keep the truth out of the mind until it pops back in with a raging force. And when this time does arise, well, believe me, it's not good. You just sit there with this look in your eyes and people question whether you are okay.
Of course you don't want anyone to worry about you so you say you are just tired because the past week was long.
Now, once this thought, idea, the truth is in your head, it will not leave. This causes a very strange shock to the person. It puts part of your heart in this numbing mood and the other half is just crying for the numbing to stop. It causes distress on the person and the wish that all will be well.
Now, I usually have a question or something like that in these entries so I shall put it in now. How do you get the numbing feeling to go away?
Well, you can do one of two things:
1. Let the numbing feeling overtake you and feel no more. Lose yourself completely and in all sense give-up.
or
2. Share with someone what you are feeling and hopefully work it out.
The second suggestion sounds the best, but how easy is it to share that you feel numb and at the same time feel as this emotion. To me, it sounds quite absurd, yet understandable. I wonder if this is what happens when reality truly hits and the realization of things come in. Maybe one is supposed to feel numb, but then how are we whole? Is anyone ever really whole? Maybe the numbing that we get turns us into the people we really are. Or do we like the numbness because it hides us from the truth? I don't know, but I hate this numb feeling.
10 January 2010
A New Chapter
A lot has changed and a lot has happened since the last time I wrote an entry. Many new thoughts and ideas came forth in my mind over the long break that I had from school. It gave me time to actually think about my life and what direction I was taking it.
So like the title of this entry, I'm turning the page of the old page I was writing on and starting a new chapter. This new part of my story involves a giant leap of faith and total trust in God, which isn't always the easiest path to take.
This journey will take me out of my comfort zone, challenge my faith and most likely challenge some of my friendships. And one might wonder if I am actually up for the challenge and if I could actually make it. And the answer to that question is a simple yes. Do I have some fear of transferring schools and leaving friends behind? Well, yes, I do have that fear, but what type of person would I be if I didn't have these concerns.
So my goal my last two quarters at my dear little school is this: 1) Grow and have a stronger relationship with God, 2)Grow closer to friends and cement those friendships, 3) Pass all of my courses so that transferring will be easier, and lastly settle anything that needs to be settled. Not that I feel anything needs to be settled at the moment, but I have a feeling that something will come up or something in my heart will tell me something. Who knows, but one thing I do know is that God is the only one who knows the answer and if you argue with that point then that's okay. I just know for sure that that's true for me and hopefully anyone who reads this can realize that He is the only way.
So like the title of this entry, I'm turning the page of the old page I was writing on and starting a new chapter. This new part of my story involves a giant leap of faith and total trust in God, which isn't always the easiest path to take.
This journey will take me out of my comfort zone, challenge my faith and most likely challenge some of my friendships. And one might wonder if I am actually up for the challenge and if I could actually make it. And the answer to that question is a simple yes. Do I have some fear of transferring schools and leaving friends behind? Well, yes, I do have that fear, but what type of person would I be if I didn't have these concerns.
So my goal my last two quarters at my dear little school is this: 1) Grow and have a stronger relationship with God, 2)Grow closer to friends and cement those friendships, 3) Pass all of my courses so that transferring will be easier, and lastly settle anything that needs to be settled. Not that I feel anything needs to be settled at the moment, but I have a feeling that something will come up or something in my heart will tell me something. Who knows, but one thing I do know is that God is the only one who knows the answer and if you argue with that point then that's okay. I just know for sure that that's true for me and hopefully anyone who reads this can realize that He is the only way.
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