So at times one thinks all is well and everything is going the way it should. Then all of a sudden, a new feeling comes about. A bit of reality comes out of the dark corner it was hiding in and hits like no other.
It's no surprise that one should go through times like this, because things like this happen all the time. One is able to keep the truth out of the mind until it pops back in with a raging force. And when this time does arise, well, believe me, it's not good. You just sit there with this look in your eyes and people question whether you are okay.
Of course you don't want anyone to worry about you so you say you are just tired because the past week was long.
Now, once this thought, idea, the truth is in your head, it will not leave. This causes a very strange shock to the person. It puts part of your heart in this numbing mood and the other half is just crying for the numbing to stop. It causes distress on the person and the wish that all will be well.
Now, I usually have a question or something like that in these entries so I shall put it in now. How do you get the numbing feeling to go away?
Well, you can do one of two things:
1. Let the numbing feeling overtake you and feel no more. Lose yourself completely and in all sense give-up.
or
2. Share with someone what you are feeling and hopefully work it out.
The second suggestion sounds the best, but how easy is it to share that you feel numb and at the same time feel as this emotion. To me, it sounds quite absurd, yet understandable. I wonder if this is what happens when reality truly hits and the realization of things come in. Maybe one is supposed to feel numb, but then how are we whole? Is anyone ever really whole? Maybe the numbing that we get turns us into the people we really are. Or do we like the numbness because it hides us from the truth? I don't know, but I hate this numb feeling.
23 January 2010
10 January 2010
A New Chapter
A lot has changed and a lot has happened since the last time I wrote an entry. Many new thoughts and ideas came forth in my mind over the long break that I had from school. It gave me time to actually think about my life and what direction I was taking it.
So like the title of this entry, I'm turning the page of the old page I was writing on and starting a new chapter. This new part of my story involves a giant leap of faith and total trust in God, which isn't always the easiest path to take.
This journey will take me out of my comfort zone, challenge my faith and most likely challenge some of my friendships. And one might wonder if I am actually up for the challenge and if I could actually make it. And the answer to that question is a simple yes. Do I have some fear of transferring schools and leaving friends behind? Well, yes, I do have that fear, but what type of person would I be if I didn't have these concerns.
So my goal my last two quarters at my dear little school is this: 1) Grow and have a stronger relationship with God, 2)Grow closer to friends and cement those friendships, 3) Pass all of my courses so that transferring will be easier, and lastly settle anything that needs to be settled. Not that I feel anything needs to be settled at the moment, but I have a feeling that something will come up or something in my heart will tell me something. Who knows, but one thing I do know is that God is the only one who knows the answer and if you argue with that point then that's okay. I just know for sure that that's true for me and hopefully anyone who reads this can realize that He is the only way.
So like the title of this entry, I'm turning the page of the old page I was writing on and starting a new chapter. This new part of my story involves a giant leap of faith and total trust in God, which isn't always the easiest path to take.
This journey will take me out of my comfort zone, challenge my faith and most likely challenge some of my friendships. And one might wonder if I am actually up for the challenge and if I could actually make it. And the answer to that question is a simple yes. Do I have some fear of transferring schools and leaving friends behind? Well, yes, I do have that fear, but what type of person would I be if I didn't have these concerns.
So my goal my last two quarters at my dear little school is this: 1) Grow and have a stronger relationship with God, 2)Grow closer to friends and cement those friendships, 3) Pass all of my courses so that transferring will be easier, and lastly settle anything that needs to be settled. Not that I feel anything needs to be settled at the moment, but I have a feeling that something will come up or something in my heart will tell me something. Who knows, but one thing I do know is that God is the only one who knows the answer and if you argue with that point then that's okay. I just know for sure that that's true for me and hopefully anyone who reads this can realize that He is the only way.
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